Knittin' Kitten
I like watching films till I sleep, but it has to be a film I know inside and out so I don't need to look up. Juno's a good one for that. Or Pan's Labyrinth, cause it's not in English anyway.
Posts by Knittin' Kitten
Ooh, possibly. I'll scout for one.
I'm terrified. I wasn't doing too badly yesterday, just not thinking about it, but now all I can think about is this horrible, disgusting thing stabbing into my body! And I've decided that I don't want to see the needle at all, because I might scream, so I'm gonna get Andy to go in first and get them to put it away while I come in and sit down. I just really hope I don't cry or anything in front of him =(
Ooh I know the tightening thing! Another thing which helps send me to sleep (which I had totally forgotten about) is you shut your eyes and you go "I can see..." x3 (obviously your eyes are shut but you'll have a mental image of the room), then "I can feel..." x3, then "I can hear..." x3 and keep it all within the room. That works surprisingly well, unless you can't hear anything.
Another thing I was told to improve sleep was to make your bedroom just for sleeping, no distractions - although for me that's impossible; my room is where I live, it's where I have to do all my studying and sewing and watching TV.
Yeah, I'm always surprised I'm not scared of it. Mostly it's my friends and it's just a bit bewildering - like "Why is Chaz here?! I'm sure he doesn't even know where he lives", but they're always just sat there talking. I did once dream that my dead nan was in my room, and that was a bit strange cause I was thinking "I know you're dead, so why are you here?" but I still wasn't scared.
Erm not sure but sounds like it, I have to have it in three parts.
I haven't had anything in a long time but my last experience was a blood test, and I had to be pinned down to the chair, it hurt so much I was crying and screaming and I fainted after. Andy's coming in with me, we were discussing options earlier - he could bite me on the other arm so I focussed more on that pain, or he could just distract me (although I always feel like I have to watch). And I'm trying to focus on what I'm gonna do after; definitely gonna get some chocolate or ice cream, maybe go to town and buy an amp if I can find one cheap enough, maybe go to the pub, or maybe just go back to Andy's so he can cheer me up ;) haha sorry.
Went to see The Road today. REALLY good but not the most cheery of films. It was really interesting - a mix of Fallout 3, any typical end-of-the-world movie, and a horror. Some truly nasty bits but good.
Mm I feel your pain. I'm 18 and just in uni now, so I've been through secondary school, college and now started up university, which means a few changes. My best friend? I've known her since I was born. We've always lived round the corner from each other, we went to Rainbows and Brownies, and then college together, and now I live in York and she lives in London and we don't talk as much but I know if I need her I can always count on her and when we hang out, it's like we've never been apart. Most of the people I was friends with in school and college, I'm not friends with any more. My school friends mostly found some way or other to betray me, or let me down, and my college friends were largely people I knew from school but never really hung out with, and this one other amazing girl who now doesn't want to talk to me because she's become Christian and doesn't want to be friends with a Wiccan (this has happened much more than I'm comfortable with lately). I also have a group of friends I met through my last boyfriend, and they are some of the most fantastic people I've ever met. And since I came to university I've made a few really good friends who I'm living with next year, I met my boyfriend and his friends are (mostly) great - some can be completely two-faced though.
My problem is I'm quite picky. As far as I'm concerned, if someone does something bad it's not a case of just forgiving them, it's "do I want to be friends with someone who would do this?" Like Andy's housemate Becky - SO nice to me at first, helped me out with Andy, invited me out to girly nights and that. Then she starts telling me how she and Andy slept together one time, and it's like, okay, doesn't bother me. Then starts trying to make me fight with this other girl who likes Andy, but I didn't see the point. Now ignores me mostly, didn't say thank you for her Christmas present and is always "busy" when I want to see her - but then will suddenly be LOVELY to me. I just don't want to be friends with someone like that. But yeah, I can't be friends with people who are racist or sexist or homophobic (I'll take jokes but when it's actually a value of theirs - no thank you) and anyone who treats people like crap (I try and stay away from Andy's friend who tried to cheat on his girlfriend with my best friend up here and tries to make us feel bad for having sex, oh and punched my really good friend Stevie!)
I'm just picky. Humanity as a whole disgusts me and I can't just pretend everything's okay and fill my life with horrible people. I need people who make me feel safe.
I made my dress =) came out pretty well considering I cut the fabric out from a pattern I bought then just sewed it together however I felt like because I didn't understand the instructions, haha. It's like a prom dress though (halter-neck and goes out from the waist, about knee length) so I think I'm gonna shorten it so I can wear it out a little more easily. The pattern was a bastard though - I measured myself up and in bust I'm a size 16, in waist I'm a size 12 (and this is me big at the moment), and in hips I'm a 14. So I made it a size 14 and it fits alright around the bust and everywhere except it doesn't come in enough at the stomach, but I dunno what I'm gonna do because I can't really adjust the darts now. Might just make a nice belt to go with it. I think I'm going to put some studs and stuff on it and make it a rock-dress so I can wear it to the Rammstein gig!
At the moment I want to make some studded wristbands and a choker for Rammstein but buying strips of leather is a real pain, I can't find anywhere that does it, not even patent leather, so I may just have to settle and buy some =(
I'm going in for the HPV vaccine tomorrow and I'm terrified. I have a phobia of needles and have avoided this at all costs as it's not mandatory, but I can only get it while I'm still 18 and I know I should...doesn't stop me wanting to run screaming. Andy's coming along to help me get through it and apparently the nurse is really nice so I'm hoping that I'm just worrying over nothing and this will be help me get over my fear...but I was looking up about the vaccine and like 44 women died shortly after getting it, and they say it's not *necessarily* linked but I'm still scared. And some women have got other forms of cancer straight after getting it. And some women have developed blood clots after, but only if they're on something which would already trigger it, like the contraceptive pill, WHICH I AM ON. And I'm scared that the needle's gonna break off in my arm or I'll get an air bubble and I don't want to die just yet, or at least not like this!
I go through stages of having messed up sleeping - at the moment I'm fine *touch wood* although a few nightmares are creeping back in. I've always talked in my sleep, mostly just mumbling but apparently the other night when I was at my boyfriend's I suddenly grabbed my ear and started shouting like it really hurt (I was asleep but it's quite possible - I have piercing infections so if he knocked it by accident I might have just been in pain while asleep) and then suddenly stopped shouting and was mumbling at him for ages before suddenly stopping and going "And then we had sex. And then we had sex." before going back to mumbling!
That's pretty much the worst I do around other people, but I go through periods where I have horrible nightmares; sometimes just flashes of dead bodies and blood and stuff like that, like a flashback from a horror film. I also have these weird dreams where I think someone is in my room and I'll sit up and talk to them and everything's fine, it's not scary or anything, and then I wake up and I'm sat in bed, often with the duvet wrapped around me (I sleep naked and my most common thought when someone in my room is "I can't let [insert name here] see me naked!"), and have even got up and put my dressing gown on a few times, once waking up as I was in the process of putting it on. It didn't scare me but it did mean I got very little sleep cause I was constantly waking up all night.
Lately it's just been a few dreams, like I dreamt the other night that my dad was telling me how worthless and pathetic I am, so I left the house, but found myself walking into the kitchen again, and every time I tried to leave I'd wind up back in my house with my father yelling at me. I woke up crying and shaking.
That sleep paralysis thing - I've had that a few times, and it's HORRIBLE. Although there are worse ones, which I've never had thank god but I know at least two people who have, which is this thing where you wake up and you either think an old woman is on your chest which is what's keeping you down, or you just see an old woman in your room. Andy had that and he said there was just this old woman at the end of the bed, and her mouth was open like she was screaming but he couldn't hear anything. I think that's terrifying. But yeah, not that uncommon - it's called Old Hag Attack or something.
Sorry, not much use, but you're not alone. I can't give any advice either as mine just come and go. One thing though - I have really nasty nightmares if I need the toilet in the night. I guess it's my body's way of not letting me wet myself or something, but yeah, I don't drink anything for half an hour before bed and go to the toilet a bunch of times, otherwise I won't make it through the night.
Oh that annoys me so much too Lala, when you stay up all night working on something then find out that just because someone else didn't do it you didn't have to. It's like you're getting punished for actually following the rules. I work so hard to get my work in on time and I know if I don't then I'm gonna get in trouble, but some people just get away with everything.
Mine is just a little one today, but I'm sick of being tired all the time. I just don't ever have the energy to do stuff any more.
I received a Happy Gram today from Aimee? Not sure who that is but thank you! I was all excited when I saw I had a letter and all morning I'd been thinking about how much I wanted some chocolate so the Milky Bar was PERFECT, thank you so much!
I'd like to send out a happy gram if anyone needs one, Michelle =)
Michelle and Butterfly Night - as soon as I broke up with Tim his friends went after me. They always hit on me and stuff when I was with him but I thought it was a friendly thing. But yeah, suddenly all these guys were asking if they could come visit me!
I went to the doctor's today and they're going to refer me for physiotherapy to sort my back out, thank god, and they think the waiting list might not be too long. I also talked about my breasts thing, and the doctor was lovely about it and she's going to get the breast clinic to check me out as a preliminary thing, then they're going to apply for funding for me to get surgery. So fingers crossed! I don't want to tell anyone though until I'm definitely going to get it done, and I imagine I'll be on a waiting list for a while but if I can get it done on the NHS it means I probably won't have to wait AS long.
I am determined to make a dress out of the beautiful Batman fabric in Boyes this year. Hopefully I can do that in the next two weeks - I won't have anything else to do haha.
My problem is having the money, and fitting it around my uni schedule =(