RANDOM RANTS!

I know how you feel Courtney. All of my family just ignore me at Christmas. They just never care what's going on in my life. And then when someone does ask, my dad interrupts and goes on about how great my little brother is instead. And I feel the vegetarian pain - it's a real bitch if you're the only one there. This year my aunt put bacon in the sprouts and cooked the potatoes in meat fat, so all I could eat was a microwave mousaka and some carrots. Yum.

Double post.

I'm just so miserable. All the time. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like my panic attacks are coming back. Most of the time I'm stopping myself from crying. And the only way I can ever think of to make myself feel better is to have sex, which I can't do because my boyfriend's far away. Everyone treats me like some cheap whore, or thinks I'm something I'm not. Or don't care when they really should. Or just plain want me to go away. And now, even after getting all excited about going up to York, I find out that term doesn't start until February so I'm gonna be up there for a few weeks on my own...great.

Yeah, my family ignores me, and is condescending when they're not ignoring me. I still love them, but I really only talk to my dad, or my grandpa. It's not that they don't love me it's just that they don't really know what to do with me...my family (that is, mom, dad, brother, me) have always been kind of the black sheep of the bunch. So instead of TRYING to get along with me or maybe even talk to me, they just sweep me under the rug.

Ugh.

Kitten sorry your feeling so shitty. Being at uni when things are really crap can be such an isolating experience as you don't have your usual support network around. Have you found a good GP? They can make a difference and its not always about prescribing pills, sometimes is nice that someone neutral is concerned and offering to check in with you and offering help. May also be worth checking what student services there are. I never did this but my bf did when he got really depressed and was offered counselling which helped. I'm glad your using here tho to vent, its definitely better out than in. I wrote stacks of poetry and painted to get things out. I also sometimes just wrote down everything in my head no matter how dark or horrible just to get it out. When its on paper i used to get the feeling that I'd shared it and sometimes I'd look back and think about what I'd write and see ways round things.

me too, writing it down just makes you feel so much better. Its opening up. letting it go

I'm very frustrated with my life- I'm 23 and have NO idea what I want from life. Its depressing to think that at the young age of 23, I feel like such a failure and like I can get nothing done. I took a few years off of college to figure out what I wanted, yet it did me no good. Now I'm behind in my education and have no motivation to finish off what I started. I love my job, working in a large chain bookstore in the states, but could not possibly support myself continuing to work in retail. I'm considering joining the US Navy, for their nursing program, since nursing has been on the back burner for a few years. I'm afraid that by joining the military that I will lose a part of myself, and that I don't have stamina for it. I live with my mom and have a pretty sweet set up- stay in school and get good grades, do all the cooking/ food shopping and I get to live for free. However, my mom and I have been butting heads recently about many things. The only solution I can see is moving out, but I don't have the money blah blah blah...

Also, this BITCH that I used to be friends with has moved back into town. I decided to end the relationship because it was border-line emotionally abusive, and now our mutual friends are giving me a hard time about not wanting to be around her. I understand being selfish- I'm the one that put my friends out and put them in the middle of all this by deciding that my emotional happiness is more important. I have told them that when it comes down to it, invite her over me to any social gatherings. I understand that I am the one that has made this awkward, but they will not stfu about me "forgiving" her. It is not about forgiveness. I know me, and I am easily sway-able. I can see myself being sucked back into that friendship (which she has tried to re instigate) that made me not me. I cannot believe that my friends will not let it go that I am not comfortable being around someone who was so horrible and cannot see what she did wrong.. *sigh*

And last but not least.... my parents, especially my mom, are driving me nuts. My worst attribute is indecision. I don't know what I want to do or how to get to it. And yet my sister, who used to have so much potential, royal screwed herself. And I mean big time. She dabbled in drugs, which ended up in a few prison sentences, making her BA in accounting useless. She is getting back on the straight and narrow, but my mom still acts like I am the fuck up of the family. Really? Cause I'm not the convicted felon, I'm just the one without my AA... I wish that they would be more understanding about my desperation to find some niche that I could happily make money in.

I'm usually a glass-half-full girl, but all the stress about the future/bitchy friends putting stupid high school drama pressure/ the bs with my sister is really wearing me down. The navy is looking better and better every day XD

First, welcome Sedna!!! Also, that sucks. I know what it's like to have a friend who borderline emotionally abused you come back into your life, and everyone else LOVES LOVES LOVES them and you know what they're like...

Ugh...another rant.

I wanna be a fashion designer...which sounds a lot like a pipedream a lot of other 14 year old girls have, but I'm serious about it. Like, to the point that I think about it at least twice a day, and am almost constantly thinking about how to make clothes or design them. I asked for a dress form for Christmas, for gods sake!

But here's the thing...since it is a pipedream, every time I mention to any grown-up that I want to study fashion in NYC, I get a sad, condescending glance a shake of the head. Well, THAT'S encouraging, thanks! I know NYC is expensive. I know it's hard to make it as a designer. I know, I know, I know. Isn't the fact that I know all that, and still want it, and still have the drive to get it enough to prove to you that this matters to me?

Why can't people just accept that I will not be going to medical/business/law school! I want to be a designer! Is that so bad?

Why can't people take me seriously?

well why don't you start sketching more designs and create a great portfolio. Start wearing what you make, this is your dream, and I belive in you!

I'm going to do that...focus on sketching more, at least once a day (it's a goal, haha), and start documenting all of my creations and start making a portfolio...I'm gonna do this!

love to see what you create, you need to get some models to modle your designs, or use your dress form

I just put up my portfolio on FB...took pics and everything...

I've always known there was something wrong with my breasts, and I've never been able to take my bra off when with a man (or woman, for that matter), but I've largely ignored the problem. Boyfriends have told me that I'm probably just being stupid and insecure. I looked up my problems this morning, and found out I have a certain deformity that means I have very low chances of being able to breast feed. This is breaking my heart as I desperately want to have children and always wanted to breast feed. On top of this, the chances I can get surgery on the NHS are really small, and if I can't it's going to cost me £4000 (about $6500). I'm absolutely devastated, I'm a student so there's no way I can get that kind of money, which means I'm just going to have to live with this, feeling awful all the time and terrified about when I have children. Also, from what I've read, most doctor's don't know about it so they think it's nothing, which explains why, when I tried to tell a doctor about it before, she just told me to grow up and get over it. I don't know what to do...

I'm just really annoyed with stereotypes. People call me names because of STUPID things that they assume, and when I call them out, they get all defensive. My family is of the Pakistani nation, but this doesn't mean that I'm a Muslim; I am agnostic. However, people that I would consider my friends constantly make references from me to terrorism or Islam, making 'Crusades' related jokes around me and openly mocking people of Middle Eastern descent. I called them Ignorant, and they totally became obnoxious towards me, calling me stupid and over reactionary. Another thing that bothers me is that people call me 'emo' or a 'stupid scene kid' because I like Harajuku Fashion and I have NATURALLY black hair, which is cut layered (I'm currently trying to grow it out to get it cut in a 'non emo-scene' haircut.) I just really hate, hate, HATE stereotypes. Why can't ALL people be considered the same?

thats awfull, I am native American/french so I get alot of it too, Frog, Squall...you get it. When will people understand? My family doesn't understand why I am buddhist, but I love all peoples, cultures and religions. I wish all people were like that

that sucks...i've never really had to deal with that, only sometimes with the boys on my street...

also, not really a rant but more of an annoyance. Januarys at the gym = the worst ever. SO. MANY. PEOPLE.