RANDOM RANTS!

So I've bene in a pretty bad way over the last couple of months - issues with living with my boyfriend, trying to find an antidepressant that works etc etc. I'm falling really far behind with my uni work but I've actually had some semblance of happiness lately because I've made a group of friends, and I'm always much happier flitting in and out of different groups. Except now, my solid group of friends in York are all pissed off with me, for seemingly no reason.

I had a big fight with my best friend at a house party, where she said that I made up my depression to win arguments and that it's really hard being friends with someone who's depressed (boo fucking hoo) and then when I shouted at her to leave the room she threw me against the wall and hit me. We made up later but things are still bound to be awkward after that. But when I was talking to another friend about it the other day, she said that she sympathises with Lauren cause she probably just misses the old Jenny, and asked if it was true that I was making it up. Of course that really bothered me but I talked to the counseller yesterday and she said I shouldn't worry because it's essentially a good thing that they love me and are worried about me, and I decided to make an effort not to bring up my problems all the time so they wouldn't get sick of me.

But now my other friend has just started having a go at me, saying I'm different and that they all "know" something's up. So it turns out that they've been talking behind my back about me and are planning some kind of intervention to sort out what's wrong with me, when as far as I was concerned, nothing was wrong. And she was angry with me because I sat on her boyfriend's lap, which is something I do with everyone, and of course when I point out that Lauren does that it's okay, cause it's just Lauren but when I do it I'm clearly trying to have sex with Henry. And everyone thinks this and thinks I'm an awful human being for it.

I can't go on like this. I'm so close to self-harming again and keep having recurrent thoughts about killing myself. I need my friends to say "It's okay, we love you, we'll help you through this", not hate me because of it.

yeah. it sounds like they don't have your back. :/ to quote, everyone needs someone to lean on.

Tell me about it =S it's just not right, is it? Your best friends are meant to always have your back, but they're actually creating problems where there are none.