depression

Kiddo, maybe your friend had a bad day and didn't fully take in what you were telling them, maybe when they've had time to think about it they will come back and be more understanding. I hope so anyway.

My friend with the treatment resistant depression suffered for years without any help, medical or otherwise. When he finally went to the doctor he was told to go for a walk! Later on after seeing a few doctors that first one became the most understanding and willing to listen.

well most people(even doctors) sometimes don't understand depression. They think that in really in our heads, thats its only minor depression.

something that can be solved quickly. But like Laurel said, it can be shocking to some

I was pretty upset when my friend's only response to what I was posted was "I read it." I sat and thought about things and even though something inside of me keeps telling me I'm a failure and I'm just not good enough; I'm choosing to not listen for once. I can't control how my friend reacted or didn't react to my attempt to apologize. But I can control how I react to it. So I'm choosing to tell myself that I did my best, it didn't work out, but at least I gave it my all. I'm really proud of myself for doing that and that's all that matters.

I just got back from my intake appointment and I start treatment tomorrow! The therapist I saw was able to put me at ease, because I was still feeling pretty upset about losing my friend. I'll be going Monday through Friday for 4 hours a day. I've had a permanent frown on my face for the past 3 days, but now I'm able to smile again!

I'm so glad your appointment went well. I think people can get really scared of mental illness. I see it a lot at work where parents have backed right off when their child has become ill. I think because they can't see it they either don't see it as real or they get so freaked out and can't deal with it. Its as if they're scared to get too close in case they fuck up and the person kills themselves. I know thats hard but it happens with terminal illnesses too, people back away because they think they won't be able to cope when it gets tough so they cut to the chase. Its such a shame though as people with mental illnesses aren't made of glass and everyone is different and the best way to help the person suffering is to be there.
Kiddo I think you'll make a great adovate. You're tough and v smart and you know that more than anything people need to be heard. x

Thanks, Kat! I think the reason my parents back away from me is that not only do they not know how to help; they are emotionally inept due to how they were raised. I also think that maybe they think if they'd done something different when I was growing up that I wouldn't be sick. I think they have a lot of guilt and just plain don't understand me.

Its sad I really would love a world where people dealt with mental illness in the same way they do physical illness. I know that thats not always perfect but it would mean that people wouldn't feel the mix of negative emotions when someone discloses that they are ill. Fear is probably the worst as people have probably more to fear from the person serving their lunch with the cold than they do from someone with depression or schizophrenia or any other mental illness but because there is still so much stigma and ignorance people get scared. Sometimes thats what I love about my job. It's like walking into a parallel universe where mental health problems normal and talked about like anything else.

Elentine - Thank you for sharing your story with me, sorry I have been away from this post for a while I have been uber busy. I think the pressure of exams was definatly inflating my depression and frustration, I have sorted this out - I applied for extenuating circumstances. I had a few problems signing up to my tutorials for this Semester since the Uni have an online tutorial allocation system which does not work properly. So I spent yesturday morning (my birthday) getting upset about that. But it is all sorted today. I think you are right in the sense of change and a new direction has an impact. Now that I am starting new modules in new area's I am feeling a bit happier and optimistic.

Tracy - I love your idea of a mood/emotion type of diary, then I can look back and see if there is some form of correlation to my episodes of feeling low or depression.

Heather - I do the same thing, when I get ready I make myself look mediocre. I can't be bothered to pretty myself up. Yet when I do, I feel on top of the world - strange that init??

Kiddo - I'm glad you are feeling happier and that you appointment went well!!

Kat - It would be so much easier if they could deal mental illnesses in the same way they treat physical illnesses. Maybe one day in the distant future it may be possible. Who knows...

it has to do with the stigma behind it, no one wanted to be mentaly ill, and the treatments they gave in the early stages of mental medicine were horrid. Shock Treatments, lobomised.

Paitents were treated as second class citizens and in some places, the males were sterialzied. And even today at halfway houses and hospitals, these paitens are often abuses, misstreated and no given their meds.

Also people are scared of what they don't understand, mental illnesses don't make the person. And with proper treatment they live normal lives. We have to break the stigma

I should've know my happiness wouldn't last. It never does. My friend officially to me that he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. Any hope I had is gone. I give up.

OK, things are much better now. My friend and I had a long discussion and I have been way too dependent on him and it was taking a toll on him and wasn't healthy for me. I asked why he couldn't have just stuck in there with me since I'd be getting treatment, so I wouldn't be around all day to bother him and I'd be creating a whole new support group so I would no longer be dependent on him. He said he thought it would be better to end the friendship because he didn't think I'd utilize the other supports I could make in treatment because I'd still be dependent on him. So he was leaving because he wanted me to get better. After talking about things, I assured him that things would be different from now on and I wouldn't be contacting him out of need, but rather to joke around and talk normally like we used to. I also let him know that I would want to share good things that happen to me, but I wouldn't be overdoing that. So although it seemed like he didn't care about me anymore, it turns out he cared enough to let me go so I'd get all the help I could possibly get!

Thats great that you and your friend sorted things out.

I have good and bad days but recently ive felt rather weird, like theres something missing, and i contstantly think that im being watched. in a room full of people i can feel alone. and its like im always second guessing myself and even now when im writing this i feel stupid cause i feel like a fraud. Im starting to wonder if im deliberatly putting myself down whenever someone compliments something that ive made, like artwork or jewelery.

(sorry for the mini moan)

Perhaps it's anxiety, maybe social anxiety. I'm very paranoid in social settings and think that everyone is looking at me and thinking crazy thoughts about me when I know deep down that generally people aren't very observant of others while out in public. I'm sure my anxiety is related to poor self esteem issues I've had since I was bullied in 5th grade because I had a really bad perm! It's funny that something that seems so silly to me now has actually traumatized me so much that I hate going out in public. Damn bullies!

Maybe you could find a therapist to talk to if it becomes troubling enough because there could be some underlying issue (like the hell I went through with bullies) that is causing this. If that's the case, once it's identified and you can come to terms with it these feelings will stop or you'll be able to manage them when they come on. Hugs my dear!

I used to hang around in big groups of people then i was younger, but now i'd rather be on my own. I hate talking to people and sometimes that stops me from posting on the boards here cause ,even though i know that you all wont judge me, im scared to express my opinion.

I really dont know if i could talk to a therapist, the thought of them scares me, along with doctors wanting to know all sorts of things.

i did get a lot of shit fom bullies in secondry school which i mostly shrugged off, but i really dont know.

I used to hang around in big groups of people then i was younger, but now i'd rather be on my own. I hate talking to people and sometimes that stops me from posting on the boards here cause ,even though i know that you all wont judge me, im scared to express my opinion.

I really dont know if i could talk to a therapist, the thought of them scares me, along with doctors wanting to know all sorts of things.

i did get a lot of shit fom bullies in secondry school which i mostly shrugged off, but i really dont know.