depression

I phoned the doctors, they can't see me for AT LEAST 3 weeks... thanks for the advice, I feel a lot better today thanks
I think I'm probably just over reacting and being melodramatic... but it doesn't hurt to get a professionals opinion

Thanks for all your advice btw xxx
How are you all feeling today?

I am feeling great, but I take medication to steady my moods

Happygram sounds like a nice idea!

I've been on Venlor for a couple of years now, but since the meds is quite expensive and I can no longer afford it, I've decided to quit taking it. For the past few months I've been gradually lowering the dosis and have been off it now for a week. Hasn't been easy though, have been experiencing shock waves travelling through my body for the whole week. Fortunately the intensity of the shock waves have started subsiding. I feel very teary though.... Bought some rescue remedy from the chemist that I take every known and again if I feel really bad. Hope I can do this!!!

I know my meds are expensive too, I tryed going off them..but I felt the same way as you. I know people say you don't need them, but I like they make me feel, calm.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/magazine/10psyche-t.html?pagewanted=1

@ Bec: don't think that you're overreacting or being melodramatic or anything like that. You deserve to feel better about and with yourself, and if you feel like you can't do it on your own, there's no shame in getting help.


I don't suffer from a pure depression exactly, my therapist has declared that I have characteristics of depression, with anxiety and social phobia.
It's been like this for years, but I always thought that there were so many people who had real issues, like friends who have been abused as a child, and that I had no right to be depressed.

I wasted years at uni, not going to classes, spending most of my time in bed or watching series and movies to avoid having to think. I spent nights doing this because I didn't want to go to bed, because that would mean that the next day would come sooner. And the next day I stayed in bed because I couldn't face a new day. This pattern went on for years, until I finally decided to come back home and study something of a lower degree. I chose journalism, because it was the only thing that seemed remotely interesting, but you can imagine that calling and harrassing people doesn't go well with social phobia. The pressure was very high, so last year I couldn't take it anymore.

Then last summer I finally told my mother about it, and she suggested I'd talk with our GP, who told me to see a therapist. This really helped, mainly because having to explain my problems made me see them more clearly for myself. I thought about what I really wanted to do with my life, and decided that what I studied at uni, archaeology, really was my passion. And for the first time in years I truly felt happy.

This made me confident enough to go back to uni, I was so motivated to make it work this time. But after a few weeks of being on my own again, in the same environment where I had felt so bad for so long, and surrounded by much younger people, it all came back, and it was like I fell into a big black hole. History repeating itself.

After letting it get worse and worse for months, I went back to my therapist in december, and he put me on anti-depressants. I'm not sure they work though. When I forget to take them for one day, I do notice that I feel alot worse, but things didn't really improve much.

So last week, when my mother confronted me with the situation of exams that weren't looking good, I had a meltdown. I cried harder than I had done in years. After talking it over with my mother, I decided to quit my studies (again) and to find a job. That decision made me feel so relieved, but of course it's not a miracle solution.

I'm hoping that having a job, meeting new people, having some structure in my life and something to get up for in the morning, will make things better.

Elentine, I hope that this new change in your life will work out for you. I'm bipolar and have social anxiety disorder as well as ADD. So I can totally relate. Structure definitely helps. I lost my job in May and haven't been able to find a job which has caused my depression and anxiety to worsen because of the financial aspect and because I don't have anything to occupy my time. However, I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm extremely optimistic about it. Hugs and the best of luck to you!

Waw, that turned out to be quite the lenghty post, and now I realise I didn't even mention one of the important parts!

I was in a serious relationship for 5,5 years, ages 15 through 21. I loved him so much, and I truly believed he was my soulmate. He was everything to me, so much that I completely lost myself in that relationship. In the end I felt like I had no idea who I was anymore. So eventually I ended it. But most of my friends were all really his friends, so suddenly I had almost no one left. No one to talk to, no one to go out with or have fun with.

Then I met a guy (online, and yes that made me feel somewhat pathetic) who I spent 1,5 years with, but I realised that I wasn't as much in love with him as I was with the idea of being in love. I think I was just afraid of being alone. So I had to end that relationship as well.

That was almost 3 years ago. Because I didn't really have anyone to go out with, I didn't meet any new people. I have been feeling so alone these past years. Sure, I have a sister and brother-in-law who I get on with very well, and supportive parents, but none of them really understand. They think I'm just lazy and don't care about things.

So I guess that loneliness is one of my biggest problems atm. I miss having a boyfriend, someone who understands me and makes me feel like it does matter that I exist. I guess I feel like a boyfriend would give me the stability I need, but I'm afraid that that's just idle hope.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent my stuff to strangers who understand what it's like
I understand what all of you are going through, even if I didn't read all 6 pages of posts. And I hope that we can all find a way to make things better and make something out of our lives, because that's all we have.

Kiddo, good luck on your interview tomorrow! *Sending positive vibes across the ocean*

Elentine, it is great to hear your story. I started this board because I believe gettoing out your fustrations and feelings is a good theraphy.

I suffer from depression and social/general anexity.

one thing I do know is that if you feel your meds are not working, you may need to up your dose. I started at a low dose only 10 mm and then upped it until I got to a level that was good for me, which is the higest dose(60)

but this you should talk with your doctor about this. It may not help you, but it helped me.

Actually I was thinking about quitting the medication. Like I said, I don't have a real depression, apparently, just some characteristics. I think the only thing that can really help is finally getting my life going, which I've been avoiding by staying in college without success.

I've been thinking about it, ever since the last years of secondary school (high school) all I wanted was to get to the future. I always had this feeling that there was something waiting for me there, and if I could just get there things would work out. This is why I've never seriously considered suicide. But by longing for it so much, I actually screwed up everything that would get me there, like uni, a degree.

So now that I've made this decision of finding a job, I'm feeling optimistic again. It will take a while for things to truly get better of course, and I hope I won't have to go through too many unsuccessful job interviews.

Today for the first time I actually spent time on some crafty things, something I always wanted but just never did, and I am a bit suprised on how good I feel now. I always knew it could have some sort of therapeutic effect, but I didn't expect it to be this good. I have a feeling that discovering this website will turn out to be one of the better things to happen to me in quite a while

Michelle, thank you for your supporting words and the friend request!

your welcome,

maybe crafting will make you feel better

Elentine, I think you should find something to do where you can meet people and make new friends. Perhaps take some craft classes, or join a youth group or something along those lines. It's something my psychologist recommended I do, and it has helped me a lot. Also keep a daily 'emotion/feeling' diary - write down how you felt during the day and why you felt that way. It's a great help to become aware of your feelings/emotions so you can address them before they culminate in depression.

thats a great idea Tracy