depression

Hey Sheila,
Fortunately, I don't have any side effects from the meds I'm on, Cymbalta and Abilify. I'll definitely need much more therapy before I would ever consider going of meds. It's cool that the therapy you developed is what I'm learning in my current group. That must mean that it works!
Much love!

Hi Kiddo
Most of what I learnt is about accepting myself, warts and all. I had to sort of re-invent who I really am. It's almost like going back to childhood and relearning things. If you are going to look at your past don't do it in cronological order because you will relive it and thats tough. Look at individual things that happened and have affected your life and deal with them. Think of that saying 'when I was a child I thought like a child'. Chances are you like me reacted to situations in a childlike way because that is all you knew. Now you are an adult you have a chance to put right those things that you couldn't deal with as a child. Re-visit with your adult reasoning. This will make more sense when you apply it to a situation that has bothered you from your past. It will give you a strength and a base to work from for present and future relationships whether they are personal, work or just the shopkeeper. Every time we interact with others we make a verbal transaction with them and give a bit of ourselves. How others choose to interpret us isn't down to us as people bring their own beliefs, insecurities and expectations to the interaction. The most anyone can do is to be comfortable with who they are.
Big Hugs x

Thanks, Sheila! I will definitely use your advice as part of my new way of thinking and approaching the world. For so long, I thought I didn't need to change anything about myself except my brain chemistry by taking medicine. I was wrong. I'm learning that I need to change my perspective on the world as well.
Much love!

It's not a bad thing to be wired up different. Lol !!!! That's where creativity comes from. Hold onto your personality, it will help you cope.
Big Hugs x

Grrr! I have been on a waiting list to get CBT for over a year now and they've just told me they have one spot for an initial assessment (not the actual therapy) and I have to work on that day. I'm getting so fed up of just trying to cope until I can get the help I need and I'm starting to think I'll never get it. I've been on anti-depressants for a while and luckily they work really well, but I'm sick of having to increase my dosage every time I go through a 'bad phase'. I really want to get to the root of the problem, so I can help myself out of it when things get bad rather than having to always be going back to the doctor.

I'm sorry to rant. Sometimes you just have to get angry for a second.

Hi Trixie Rocket

It's healthy to get angry especially when there is help that you can't get to. Medication is only part of the answer. I believe very much in treating the whole person not just a condition. Your 'bad phases' are a symptom. Doctors are quick to hand out pills as it's a quick fix. Long term it takes patience, understanding and care.

Have you worked out what triggers your 'bad phases'. It's different for everyone. It can be as simple as a change in the weather or lack of sleep to more complex things like food groups. Keep a diary of how you are feeling, what and when you eat, sleeping patterns etc and see if you can pin point any patterns.

I thought I knew myself till I did this. You will be surprised.

My main triggers were busy places and background noise that felt like my head was under water. I have some hearing loss so the physical problem affected how I interacted and how I felt. I put my Ipod on to block out the background noise, choose quieter routes and make sure any conversations are face to face in quieter places so I don't have as many panic attacks.

Hope this helps x

I do this too and it does help identify patterns. I would also recommend marking in your period too. I didn't realise until I started to improve a little but I was and still am getting awful pmt. I also found Wednesdays and Thursdays were bad for me so I cut my hours at work. I now don't work Wednesdays. Its a struggle financially as I wasn't well paid to start with but I cope better throughout the week. I'm still pretty bad on Wednesdays but at least and can retreat to bed and rest up. I also was having panic attacks in the bath and found that I was unconsiously counting the rhythm of the fan and it was speeding up my thinking so I changed to bathing by candle light. I still get anxious but no where near as bad.

I do this too and it does help identify patterns. I would also recommend marking in your period too. I didn't realise until I started to improve a little but I was and still am getting awful pmt. I also found Wednesdays and Thursdays were bad for me so I cut my hours at work. I now don't work Wednesdays. Its a struggle financially as I wasn't well paid to start with but I cope better throughout the week. I'm still pretty bad on Wednesdays but at least and can retreat to bed and rest up. I also was having panic attacks in the bath and found that I was unconsiously counting the rhythm of the fan and it was speeding up my thinking so I changed to bathing by candle light. I still get anxious but no where near as bad.

Hi Arty KitKat
I find that certain noise rhythyms affect me in an uncomfortable way. My heart beat increases and like you I have to avoid those noises. It's almost like my body tunes itself in and I've got to tune out. I'm glad I'm not the only one who does a physical/mental diary. Thought for a minute I may have been more 'crazy' than I've been told I am. Lol x

Hey I'm glad that most of you seem to be feeling a lot better. I'm glad that the therapy is helping you Kiddo, I'm glad you are feeling better Heather, we are here for you so rant as much as you like. If it makes you feel better to rant then go for it. I rant all the time but it makes me feel better so I don't care lol.

Hi Becky
Love you to bits. You are so right x

Thanks for the advice Sheila. Keeping a diary sounds like a good idea because at the moment I don't seem to able to understand what triggers it when I feel my worst. Thanks everyone for the support and you're right, it does help to have a good rant sometimes!

My mood is all over the place at the moment that I'm finding it really hard to cope. I seem to be managing to go into work and help others with their problems but then when I come to go home I'm shaking and feel tearful. I've also noticed that when I get like this my thoughts are not just negative but they turn really cynical. We have an out of hours mental health helpline that I could call but when I'm like this and when I got home from work today I was crying but I had convinced myself that the helpline was the equivalent of a cake which you cut into and find its just icing. I think my thinking was that it looks inviting but calling it is ultimately pointless. Talking about how I feel to some random stranger feels too hard as I struggle with the phone when it comes to talking about me. I did one thing which I hope will help. I telephoned my psychiatrists secretary and left a message asking for my appointment to be moved forward.
It feels at this moment like I'm managing but I know that a few minutes on my own thinking the wrong kind of thoughts will lead things to spiral. I've been living with this now for over 2 years. I've suffered with depression since I was about 8 and have had about 4 episodes lasting a few years but this one just seems to be going on and on..... It lifts for a bit and then it goes again. Its as if being well(ish) wears me out and I can't keep it up any longer and I crash.

I thought I was having a better today and then in the last 10 minutes I was upstairs in the staff room chatting to one of our volunteers who I've worked with for years and who happens to also be a qualified mh social worker and somehow in our rant and setting the world to rights I told her that I also had mh problems. This was okay but we were talking about the failings of some new systems that are coming in and I think I made myself sound like I was potentially really unstable. Ordinarily, if I was feeling well I'd shrug it off but it now seems to have set off a whole train of thought thats gone down a really negative road. I feel so stupid for not being more careful about what I disclose and how I disclose it and I wish I could just turn the clock back and unsay what I said.

Hi Arty KitKat
Maybe it wasn't a bad thing to disclose how you were feeling. If there are changes at work that are going to impact on your team then you may have been expressing concerns through how you were feeling. We have had major changes at our workplace and everyone is feeling and expressing it in different ways. Change always brings some conflicts on every level but more on an emotional level than most people care to admit. Most people show it as frustration, anger or apathy. Least you can tell yourself you were being honest. Try to look on it more as a chance to get things off your chest. The other person was a volunteer so obviously cares enough to give their time to help others. You are part of the team and deserve to be cared for too. Having a personal understanding of mh issues helps with relating to others who suffer. It's a human condition and your dealing with humans. Don't beat yourself up or feel negative thoughts about what you did. You deserve to be listened to and who better to listen to you than a qualified mh worker who you have worked with for years and knows you well. Sending you a virtual {HUG} x