RANDOM RANTS!

KT I know that not everyone can afford therapy, I couldn' t either. But half of the money I earn I pay for my insurance... Sorry, I expect people to have an insurance... I just wrote what I'd do- That's it.
Kiddo in that case try to find some good books to read to try to help yourself. And I think it's great that you're able to talk about it here...
If you thinkt, that you maybe could reduce your anxiety wiht ralxation-training, you probably find some tips for autogenous training in the web. Or I could search my documents, I once had a course... (but I don't know if I still have these papers...) But I think it's a good thing to cool oneself down, for with a little practice you achieve to relax yourself in seconds...
Normaly in situations where you suffer from anxiety and stress, your heart rhythm desynchonizes. There are some biofeedback-systems you can use at home to train the resynchronization. This can help you to reduce stress and prevent you from ending up in a vicious circle from the anxiety. These systems are not that cheap but it's a good thing and cheaper than a therapy, maybe you could safe some money for one.
I'm trying to safe some to buy me one from the heart math institute. I have cardiac arrhythmia and because of my surgery it always frightens me, and that makes it worse... I think I'm gonna give this a try.
I think it's good to fight at multiple fronts

Kiddo, I understand where you are comming from. I know it's not easy. After having gone away to school for 4 years...I've learnt what it was like to have to fend for yourself.

Different things work for different people...and I know I've talked to you about this before...but writing always helped me. I kept a journal while I was in school...although I threw most of the pages out. HAHA! It helped destress and everything. I also...everynight before I wentn to bed...I'd lay there and I'd just breathe...and count...count to three every breath in...count every breath out...it's like meditating. Just a friendly suggestion. I HEART YOU KIDDO!!! Hee hee!!! *HUGS*

Sorry KT, I don't know if I sounded harsh, I just felt a bit offended. You know, in switzerland health insurance is obligatory, everybody has one... nontheless most swiss people tend not to see a therapist because they don't want and feel ashamed of. So I keep recommending it. I just wasn't prepared to that reaction...
Different countries - differend cultures. Hope you didn't feel offended yourself.

where I am there is a free clinic

Thanks Irma, KT, and Michelle! Those are all very good suggestions. I'm feeling much better, but it's a daily battle. I will definitely look into to all that has be mentioned here! Thank you guys! You are the best!

whenever you need help, I am here

thanks for the advice people, really helped me just relax a bit, irma the heart rhythm thing sounds really interesting.

I know it's anxiety, i meant how do i stop it! lol sorry should have explained that part. I remember going to the doctor once and he said it was anticipatory anxiety and said to wear an elastic band around my wrist and just mess with that when i got anxious, i was gonna do that today but forgot to put it on and then a week later id just be moaning about always messing with the band! I've had these feelings for 6 years now, thank you high school, although now i do think i had a choice and i decided to take the neurotic route, but i can feel myself falling apart this time and this time it's worse because I'm an adult now, it's like i'm on my own and i don't tell people enough about these feelings, they dont take it seriously enough or don't know how to help or don't know how i'm feeling at all. As kiddo said, you don't want to burden people with it.

OCD is tossed around quite casually and everyone has little things they do. I just think you have to be careful or its self fullfiled prophecy thingy. It's very odd, a lot of people go through the same things but none of us know how to deal with it.

Courtney - i went through the exact same thing, your 'friends' don't seem as nasty as mine were though. In the last year of high school a group formed of people id always known and got on with but never hung about with before and it was the best thing that ever happened to me at the time, i think it saved my life (bit melodramatic that, would never do anything like that, i think irrational but i do rational lol). If you're not happy maybe try to hang out with this group more it seems quite fickle but if you're not happy, don't hang about! I know its hard though.

I have found that either other people are the same and just kind of forget about me after a while or it's me thats just weird because i find it so hard to mix, i don't help myself i fade away because i'm sick of trying even when i have quite a lot of confidence (at the moment it's low from being a jobless recluse). At the moment, money is the biggest problem but we just rearranged the morgage so should be ok for a while. We've gone one week with no money for food so all we've had is what's in the house, my mum has gone 1 - 2 weeks with little money before but never no money at all. She's doing everything she can and so am i OOO that was ranty!

Yeah, I just need to start talking with the nicer girls

UGH!! It's going to cost 80 dollars and 2 weeks to fix the timing (which is a really small problem, btw) on my sewing machine I had all these projects lined up and now I have to hand-sew them all...it's gonna take forever

I can't stop thinking about food, either. It's constantly on my mind. Always. Like, even in school or when I'm with friends or anything. I'm always thinking about food and my weight and when I'm hungry I feel so good about myself because I'm not eating, I keep track of how many hours in between meals and the longer the time it is, the better I feel.

handsewing does take forever.

courtney - where i worked it was a really girly shop, and mainly women worked there and ALL they talked about was food because they were dieting. I'd rather you obsess about exercising then obsessing about food in this way, set Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner in your mind and stick to that because this is a normal eating pattern that everyone lives by! FOOD IS GOOOD!

Food is good...but ugh I just wanna be skinny so badly its irrational and ridiculous and when I don't eat I just get this illusion like this is what skinny people do and my health doesn't even matter to me, all I want is to be thin.

I'm ridiculous :S

But also to lose weight it's better to eat regularly... I know what I'm talking about I don't want to loose weight (maybe a little.. But I always do this with sports, though I hate sports, but I love foooood! Swiss chocolate.... )
I work very irregularly, and in the morning I can't eat anything and during the day I learn, write my homeworks or work with my patients and mostly I just forget to eat, or when I'm hungry I'm working ant can't eat... So for the last months I've normally eaten once a day at 10pm And I'm not losing weight at all, on the contrary... And I'm tired and therefore move less and i fall ill very fast. I try hard to change...
Trust me, you have to eat very regularly.... it's so important. Otherwise you maybe even run into a eating-disorder.
My mom tries to lose weight, and one of the most effective methods ist to eat 5 small balanced meals a day, that way you prevent to get really hungry and you don't have to think about food all the time...

eating properly is very good and important for your body/

Irma is right. You have to eat to loose weight so your body has enough energy to burn the calories. A few years ago I gained a lot of weight and went to Weight Watchers to loose it. The first thing they tell you is that you have to eat to loose weight. The plan I was on was tracked by "points." Points are based upon how many calories and fat grams are in a serving of food. You would eat a certain amount of points a day based on your weight, age, and gender. It was interesting because the more a person weighed, the more points they were allowed per day. Please don't starve yourself, Courtney. It will damage your body, and as Irma said, it could lead to an eating disorder.

Courtney...trust me...the effects of not eating are far worse than not being skinny...it can actually make it so you cannot have children...if it gets that bad....