RANDOM RANTS!

Oh my god Violetta, thank you, I'm so glad I'm not just being stupid. That's how I feel - if she's going to steal stuff from me then what's the point in me even trying. She's getting the piercings I want but knows I can't afford to get. I told her I wanted a mohawk so she went out with a fauxhawk last night. When I found out I couldn't get a mohawk I was considering getting a straight fringe with long bits at the sides and short-ish at the back. Oh what a surprise, yesterday she announces she wants to get that. I've had to dye my hair blonde in order to get a job, and she's going to dye her hair the exact same colour pink that I had before!

It's just so depressing, isn't it? Everyone says it should be a compliment but it's just not, I like inspiring people but I don't like them copying me! And it's the fact that people think they do it, so like when she puts the dots in the corner of her eyes, everyone goes "Wow, that's so cool, I've never seen that before!" but I've been doing it for years. But there's just nothing you can do about it! She was saying the other day about how she wants to start wearing cute flowery dresses with Doc Martens because it would be so funny because it wouldn't go, and it would be so weird to go to a metal gig in a flowery dress, and I just wanted to scream at her that I've always done that, that was always MY thing! All I did was jokingly say she was copying me and she was like "Oh no I'm not, I just really like it, I didn't even notice you did that!"

I never told my friend its bothering me,I think you and me are the same way with people like this.I just cant bring myself to tell her that its really bothering me.Then it would look like Im fighting over dresses,hair and piercing.Its funny,I fear I will make a fight over something that is totally her fault.

Ok,so she steals my stile,my room,my things atleast she could shut up about it!But no,she acts like it was all her idea in the first place and on the end I almost feel like I was the one who stole the idea!This is horrible.

And that with the haircut happened with my friend too two years a go.I wet felted some dreads for myself,she went home and made 6!Then we went to felting camp,where her mother is teaching as well,and I had to listen to her moms bragging all week."My daughter is soo crafty,she has soo many ideas,I dont even know where she get the ideas,Look everyone my daughter has felt in her hair!" A whole fucking week.And I didnt say a thing about it.

I always loved belt bags.I have a few wet felted ones.Last year she made her own-again with my Cocopelli pattern.And now its all her idea!Im wearing belt bags since I was 16!

The only thing she cant steal from me is my music!And my communication skills.She cant stand the music Im listening too.tee-hee.

She called me for chat just five minutes ago.And the new thing with the tattoo is that shes getting it on both legs.Just as I planned it.I wanted to do the same turtle image on both of my legs.But ofcours I cabt afford it.So now shes coming in monday to do the same!And now if I get some money,I cant do what I was planning for a year,because then it will be me ho stole it from her.

My other friend told me not to tell her any more anything.And the thing about it being a compliment is bullshit.(sorry) its not true.Dont get me wrong,I love to inspire people,but I dont want copys of me running around.At 22 everyone should already have their own stile.Why doesnt she copy something useful from me?Like reusing,listening to music(she doesnt even have a taste in music,what ever goes on the radio is fine with her) Why dosnt she learn to speak Serbian?I speak perfectly-she could really copy that.Or English?Or maybe not throwing the trash everywhere?that she could learn.

And it is depressing,because it just keeps going over and over again.Its like Im loosing my stile.I dont dress the way I doo because its trendy or inn (obviously) I dress like it,because its who I am.

Mhmm, but if someone steals it it stops being who you are. I was trying to explain it to Andy (he did NOT get it) that she's just like me, but the better version of me because she can afford it. I don't mind sharing stuff with her - at first I was really excited that I'd inspired her to get a tattoo, but now it's like every time I talk about my next tattoo she goes on about how hers is gonna be bigger and she's getting it first. And I'm recognising self-destructive trends in her that I have in myself and I wish for HER sake that she wasn't adopting those.

She wants meet to teach her crafts soon but I really don't want to. She's been listening to all the same music as me and looking up Wiki entries of everything so she can know more than me about the bands, just because I only care about the music. And now she's coming to the same festivals as me, and those are the one time of the year where I don't have to worry about anything, I just sit back in the sun with a beer and a cigarette and I forget about the fact that I have responsibilities. But she gets so wasted all the time so I'm gonna spend the whole weekend looking after her and stopping her from sleeping with random guys and worrying about her, like I ALWAYS do. And you know she'll buy all the merchandise and take a million pictures and just not shut up about HER time at the festivals.

It's just really getting me down. I don't know who I am any more. I have enough self-esteem issues without her doing this to me. And I already have to constantly look after her and worry about her. I swear it's like I'm her mother. I don't mind saving her ass when she's too drunk to function, or helping her when she's done something ridiculous that I told her not to do, because that's just her - but if she does it pretending to be me, then she's crossed a line, you know? What makes it worse is that she has more confidence than me so she pulls off the stuff that I want desperately to do but I'm too afraid to. She just constantly flaunts my inadequacies in my face, and takes away the things I actually like.

So apparently if I dye my hair, guys are gonna hit on me more? Because of the 'persona' I'm projecting?

...what?

Okay, well that's obviously a simplification of what I'm saying, but yes. It's something that makes you different from everyone else. Me and Lauren went out one time and we went to a goth club and then on to just a normal club. She was wearing this nice Primark colourful dress and just has plain black hair. I went wearing a Rammstein dress and had blue hair and a nose piercing. In the goth club, she got hit on - in the normal club, it was all me. It's nothing to do with the persona, it's just a case of standing out. And yeah, I dunno, maybe seeming interesting or a bit quirky excites people. Although being hit on in clubs is hideous anyway.

Oh hah yeah...it was just something my dad said about dyeing my hair (OMG SUCH A REBEL )

And yeah but I mean, just going out to a movie with a bunch of friends, even though I might stand out more than them, am I gonna get guys checking me out and whatnot? I mean, I have friends who are GORGEOUS and so much prettier than me!

Whatever. I'm going to dye my hair anyway and I can definitely take care of myself, especially around stupid 14 and 15 year old boys.

Oh well obviously it's to do with looks as well =P my main grievance is that she's prettier than me so it was the only thing I had. It's obviously other stuff haha. You'll probably see it more when you go to clubs, if you don't now, because then it's more like people trying to find other people. And in my experience, dying your hair is like wearing a big neon sign saying "Talk to me!" (which I hate sometimes, but mostly I like meeting new people.)

What colour you thinking? I've had so many colours now.

Hm well I guess I wouldn't mind talking to more people, I mean I probably could use more human interaction haha.

Right now I'm thinking Special Effect USA's 'Nuclear Red'. I looove the color and I'm finally getting to dye all my hair one color, as opposed to streaks.

haha...Well I wish here people would approach me because of my hair color.But instead they just stair at you and maybe ask stupid questions.Once someone asked me if my dreads where from dog fur.stupid.And in super markets I have people walking away from me,keeping a distance.But that dosnt bother me,I got used to it.I even enjoy going to the local market with my husband.


Another rant:

I hate that we need passports to go everywhere.But I even more hate the long prosidure it takes to get one.Its really stupid.
We need to go to Romania this month,we have a gig.And every band member already has there passportes from earlier.I dont.So I had to ask for all my papers first and when I get those only then can I go and make my passport.I asked for my papers two weeks a go,still NOTHING.I already payed for them,and still they dont even bother to send them out to me.I called them today and nothing.
But still when I get my papers Ill have to go sign other papers,take pictures,thumb prints and all that stuff.
And only then I will be able to give in my request for the passport.And then I have to wait for TWO more weeks for it to be done so I can travel.
And as things are now,It looks like Im not going to have my passport in time.We have the gig on May 21,we need to travel a day earlier to get there in time.
And I just know the band members will kill me,because Im the lead singer.
I know somehow this will be blamed on me.But Im no fault at this,because I started everything in time,Its not my fault that they dont send me the papers in time.Plus Im really exited abouth going,I love gigs and I dont want to let my band down.
This is shit.I hate this.

Now you see what I mean about the part that she will get bored of stuff that she stole from you?My friend just messaged me that she wont be coming in monday,and she wont be making the tattoo.She just changed her mind.
And about the crafting part Kitten,I think you should show her some crafts that are really hard and challenging.So she will change her mind about it.Or maybe something that would be boring for her.

Is mad, really, really mad at her husband. That is all.

THere's this girl at my school that just came in January. She's SUPER clingy, won't leave anyone alone, back talks to the teachers, and is just all-around annoying. SHE IS SO IRRITATING !!!!!! She also butts in to everyone's conversations, thinks she can hang out with me&my friends when she feels like it and NO ONE really likes her. THAT is my rant.

That sucks Violetta, hopefully you'll get everything in time!

I got turned down funding for my breast augmentation. I feel like shit, I just want to cry. I was really counting on this and I was told it wouldn't be a problem. Not sure what to do now - I'm going to try in Bristol but wondering whether to ask my parents if they would pay for it. It's just whether they want to fork out £4000, especially when my dad's going in for surgery soon and then retiring, and they probably won't get why it's such a big deal. God, I can't wait like another few years, and there's no way I'll be able to afford it for at least four years...

i will be so glad when the school year is over only 9 more days!