RANDOM RANTS!

you know...i used to want my monthly present

and now. this morning was not a good surprise.

that is NASTY.

and...just...no.

I hate going to the family planning clinic now =( it's just covered with posters about how breastfeeding is the best thing to do, and babies crying cause their mothers are giving them bottled milk. When I found out that I won't be able to breastfeed it hit me really hard cause I thought it'd make me a bad mother, and everyone calmed me down and said it wouldn't, it's fine if you don't breastfeed, but then I have to sit there with all these posters telling me what an awful parent I'll be if I don't. I almost started crying =(

knittin', i know exactly how you feel. i think i've told you before but i can't breastfeed either and i am just not excited at all to have to continually explain myself to everyone when i have my next baby..... i would if i could, but i just can't, and it's not for lack of trying either. you just do what you can to make peace with yourself because when it comes to your baby people think he/she is public domain and the unsolicited advise and guilt trips just come pouring in. Those advertisements are really geared toward mothers who don't breastfeed because they don't like it, or think it's weird, or too bothersome. some people just don't know how lucky they are to be able to produce milk. (((HUGS))) you are still gonna be a great mommy

Yeah I mean I do think the adverts are good, because if you can you really should...although I don't think the guilt trip angle is necessarily the right one. It's just hard to see.

Have you already had a baby then? Did you get anyone saying anything about it? It's just horrible, it's another social pressure that I won't be able to live up to. And it's a personal thing as well - I've always been very pro-breastfeeding in public, and I imagined myself doing it a lot to make a point haha, but now I can't. I mean, I can try, but it's safe to assume at this point that it's not going to happen. I just feel like I won't only be letting my baby down by not giving it what it needs, but that I won't be as close, because breastfeeding is meant to be the real bonding thing for parents and babies.

yes i have two kiddos and did not produce enough milk so i had to sublimate with formula, and once they have formula they don't want to "work" for the breast milk. I was producing MAYBE 1/2 once a day after pumping and taking supplements- it's a long story- but yea when your baby eats 2 oz of milk at each feeding and they eat like every 2-3 hrs- 1/2 once a day just doesn't go very far. it was very depressing, i felt very bad at first, mostly because of all the hype about bonding time and how it is the best thing in the world for your baby blah blah blah. i was totally gung ho about breast feeding before i found out that i couldn't, so i was disappointed in myself. but you know what? the bond between baby and mommy is so strong no matter if you breast feed or bottle feed. you don't just chuck a bottle at the kid! You still hold and rock the baby, you still look into their eyes. i used to bottle feed naked so that my babies could still have that skin to skin contact (which was really calming for my daughter because she was a preemie) I got a lot of crap from some people at the hospital about how i wasn't trying hard enough to produce more milk. well sorry honey but it doesn't matter how hard i try i'm not gonna shit diamonds either! -whoa sorry if that was inappropriate haha this subject gets me worked up. so anyway you are still gonna be a really great mommy because you are going to love and nurture your child, the bond will be there. my kiddos are 3 and 2 now and i don't feel like they missed out on anything as infants. they are both very intelligent, silly little lovable monsters- just like all the other breastfed kids out there.

Thanks Heather =) and I didn't think it was inappropriate, it gave me a laugh haha!

Ha, the "inappropriate" part sure is funny. Of course it is good for the baby to get breast feeded, but if nature says you can't, why would other people whine about that you should? I think what those people do, is really inappropriate!

I am feeling kind of "I don't want to call you bad names because I love you, but you're a pr***". My sister got a sms from her best friend earlier this evening to ask if she wanted to come have a drink with her and other people: my boyfriend and his mates. I don't care that he is having fun without me, but when one of my closest friends is invited, he really could ask me too. Now I am asked along by my sister, I don't even know if my boyfriend knows that I am coming. I hope he does, because when he's surprised, it won't do any good for my mood, I am afraid!

Hi Heather. I think those people at the hospital who said crap to you need to go read a few books. Premature babies have problems with breast feeding as their lungs are sometimes under developed so they find it difficult to fix on. Bottle feeding is easier for them as they can take breathes easier when they are feeding. You probably didn't produce enough milk because of the emotional pressure you were put under to 'perform'. Breast feeding is a skill to be learnt and it's not as straight forward as people think. Don't be disappointed. Least you haven't got teeth marks where it hurts! Lol

Now I think of it: my youngest sister did get breast milk but in a bottle, because that was less tiresome for such a small baby she was. And she is the biggest mommy's child in our family!

Obviously, I was mad with my boyfriend for no reason: he did not know I was coming to the bar too so he had staid at home. When I text-messaged him to tell him where I was, he rode an hour in the middle of the night just to see me and have a beer too . (for the record: in Belgium it is legal to drink at 16^^)

I hate that this is the thread I keep going to.

I'm just getting SO fed up with my friend Lauren being so self-destructive. Especially because she knows EXACTLY what she's doing, and that it's stupid, but you just can't change her mind! My friend Lizzie's boyfriend has a friend called Dave, who's a very good-looking and very self-assured punk guy. The first time he came to York to visit, Lauren tried to sleep with him but he was trying to sleep with me. After three days I went home and he had to stay at Lauren's, so he just slept with her. He didn't use a condom and she was wasted, and although she came out clean he has spread lots of diseases before, so she had to go through loads of tests and stuff. So we didn't want to see him for a while - but then we all kinda got over it, and he came up for her birthday party a few weeks ago. They obviously slept together a few nights in a row, and then when I'd gone home and talked to her, she was talking about how she thinks she loves him and stuff. This guy cheats on every girl he's ever known (he actually has a girlfriend right now, that Lauren knows about *rolls eyes*) and treats girls like shit. I just don't care enough about him either way, but obviously I don't want Lauren getting hurt, so me and Lizzie talked her down so she wasn't that fussed about him.

In the last week she's gone out, bought DMs, got facial piercings and dyed her hair blue, and I just got a message from her on Facebook saying she's gone to London to see him. And I just...don't have the energy any more. I'm so angry and I don't think she realises how much it hurts me to see her hurting herself, cause I really care about my friends. I've just h enough of her doing stupid stuff even though she knows it's stupid! She's texting me now and telling me that she's had loads of stress at home, and I know that but she could have come to see me and I would have looked after her for a few days, I'm meant to be her best friend but instead she runs to that prick, who lives in a really rough council estate and is never to be trusted anyway! She said she's gonna text me every now and then to let me know she's okay and of course I want her to because I still care but I'm so fucking angry at her for putting me in this position! I look after her so much anyway, I don't deserve this! So now I'm just sat on my bed, crying and wanting to punch something. God I'm looking forward to boxing when I get back; she's always my partner. I guess this is what it feels like to be a parent =(

And another one.

Me and Andy have been made fun of before by his housemates for having loud sex, and we know it bothers people but it's like, what can we do except try and be quiet, and even when we do they can still hear because the walls are paper thin in that house. And normally it's just funny, because they know we're not doing it to be annoying, and we don't in the middle of the night or anything. But yesterday they were just being really harsh about it. Well, on Wednesday me and Andy had sex, and it wasn't that loud, but when we came out of his room we realised his housemate had gone into the front room while we were at it, so he would have heard. Then yesterday we didn't know anyone was in the house, and it was like 5 in the afternoon! So not a big deal. But when I went to check my emails after I see that one of his housemates had posted on Facebook that we were making loads of noise and tagged me in the post. Then she and Dani (the housemate from the day before) started putting up all this stuff about rough sex and that, and I thought it was funny at first but then Steph started going "Oh god I'm so embarrassed for her, I'd kill myself if it was me!" and it's like the online equivalent of standing in front of someone and talking about them when you know they can hear. It's just fucking rude.

I got really upset about it, and got even worse when I saw that Dani had posted something as well, and that this girl who's in love with Andy had started commenting - I am DEFINITELY not comfortable with her knowing about my sex life. Steph's said sorry now because Andy went and talked with her, but it's like...sometimes saying sorry doesn't make it all better. She was really malicious. And in her sorry email, she just said that I should only have loud sex when everyone's out of the house but it's like...there are six people living there, over four floors, it's impossible to find a time when everyone's out and even so, I can't go round knocking on all the doors to check the coast is clear. Sex doesn't work. So now I'm in this shitty situation where I really don't want to have sex because I've been made to feel insecure about it, but I know Andy's going to want to, but I can never say no to guys because of various hang-ups I have...so basically, they've ruined my sex life, at least for the forseeable future. So I feel like shit but can't do anything about it.

hey kitten they are just jealous they aren't having any and why are they listening sounds like a big house dont feel bad what goes on with you and your man is your business its your house 2 and you have the right to make love in your own home or you try taking your man to some exotic location that might be fun anyway

I've been having these terrible recurring dreams about getting pregnant and not being able to decide if I get an abortion or not and then I go into labor and it's terrible and I wake up almost crying. And then I have these other dreams about this one child, about 2 or 3, and all I can see is the top of its head and it's normal looking and then it looks up at me and has this horribly twisted grotesque face and it starts attacking me.

It's awful and I don't know what it means or why it's happening.

That's really nasty Courtney =S I'd guess it means you're just worried about having kids or about being a bad mother or something, but I'm very far from being a psychiatrist =P


I keep feeling really shit at the moment, my friend has basically stolen my identity, she dresses exactly the same as I do (but slightly better because she has the money to buy the stuff that I like but can't afford), acts like I did when I was younger, and now she's starting to steal my things like festivals and crafting. I feel like she's become the new me, and if she's me, then who the fuck am I? She always got more attention than me because she was the prettier one, the only thing I had was that I was a bit quirky but it was just me, I wasn't trying. Now I feel like I have to compete with her all the time because if I go out with her and the other girls it's just going on and on about how amazing she is for doing stuff I've been doing for years! And I know it sounds so petty, and Andy says I should just take it as a compliment or something, but it' s not. I have self-esteem issues enough as it is, and I've always thought I was boring, that's why I went and got piercings and dyed my hair stupid colours but at least I did it for me. Now I just want to do it to get one up on her because when I'm around her, I get completely ignored.

OMG Kitten!I just wanted to rant about the same thing!
Where best friends since we where 2.So thats for 2O years now.And I was always the crafty one and the one with "different" stile.
She started to dress "punk" when I did,she started to dress all colorful and silly when I did.She started to craft,when she saw what I was making.But she did exactly the same crafts as me,and after she was like she invented the stuff!I started to love purple,now its her fave color too!
I repainted my room to purple and planned out the whole decoration.She painted her room purple too!I didnt have any money to make the stuff I wanted,but I told her all my plans with my room.So now she did everything like I wanted too.Even the Cocopellis on the wall!!!!!She died her hair with the exact same purple color_thats why my hair is so boringly all black now.And she wants to have a lip piercing just like mine!And wants to have an undercut like me.I didnt even know what to say when she told me with the face like she just invented it.Its really driving me crazy!and there is soo mich I cant even write down now.

Oh,and the newest!Shes coming in Monday and asked me to go with her to MY tattoo artist.And guess what shes getting? The same fucking turtle on the same place I wanted!!!And the worst part is I have to sit with her through the whole getting the tattoo thing with a big smile on my face!

Im sorry,I have no advice for you,no solution what to do because Im in the same shitty situation and have no idea what to do myself!
My mom tells me,that every strong,unique women has a weak,fake friend like that.She had one too.

But its originally your stuff,and its you not her!Shes just a cheap copy so when she gets board of it she will move on to something else.
This is horrible,because my reaction to this is that I dont dress,act like who I am.And Im sitting in a room with all blank walls,because she sucked all my exitment out.I hate blank walls.