kiddo
After what I went through yesterday, I felt so alone and didn't have anyone to talk to about how hurt I was, so I started searching the internet for things that might help me feel better. I ran across an article that made me understand that I'm not alone out there. I wrote a short blog entry and posted the article, here's a link to it. Maybe it can help someone else as well: <a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com/2010/02/misunderstanding-one-another.html">Misunderstanding One Another</a>
Posts by kiddo
After what I went through yesterday, I felt so alone and didn't have anyone to talk to about how hurt I was, so I started searching the internet for things that might help me feel better. I ran across an article that made me understand that I'm not alone out there. I wrote a short blog entry and posted the article, here's a link to it. Maybe it can help someone else as well: <a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com/2010/02/misunderstanding-one-another.html">Misunderstanding One Another</a>
I've calmed down quite a bit. I'm in a state of shock right now, but for some reason I'm certain that I'm going to be alright.
I seriously don't know what to think now. I was just told that my problems aren't special, life is hard, and I'm going to have to get better on my own. It really makes me not care about anything especially getting help from strangers. It just reinforces the way I was brought up. Keep your emotions to yourself, nobody really cares about anyone but themselves, get over it already. But I care about other people so why don't they care about me?
I'm absolutely fucking devastated. the one person i was comfortable talking to about anything was extremely dismissive after i shared some feelings that i'd never expressed out loud before. i really thought i'd made progress by telling someone something that has been hurting me for so long. now i'm doubting the importance of my feelings. it's difficult for me to trust anyone b/c my family has always made me feel bad for expressing my feelings. i don't think i'll ever be able to again. i feel like i'm crazy for feeling the way i do. it's not important to anyone but me anyway so I should just be a big girl and get over it right? I can feel myself shutting down. this hurts so bad.
I really hate that someone so horrible is making you feel so bad. I really hope that the conversation with Andy goes well and you're able to feel better about things. Unfortunately, some people are just plain miserable and the only way they can feel good about themselves is by making life hell for others. I'm sending lots of hugs and positive energy your way.
I just want to clear something up. A majority the antidepressants that are readily used in the US are not habit forming. Anything can become an emotional addiction, but as far as becoming physically addicted to anti-depressants, it not really something you have to worry about. People who truly suffer from a mental illness, meaning there is an imbalance of chemicals in their brain, often need medication to get better because it normalizes their brain chemistry. I'm one of those people whose brain chemistry is out of whack, therefore in order not to get sick I have to take medicine just like someone with diabetes has to take insulin.
I think it's great that herbal remedies work for some people, but others require prescription medication to see an improvement in their symptoms. I'm not saying that medication is the only answer to battling depression because it's not. Good coping skills, such as Suzi's mom's journaling, are also essential in recovery. As are the basics like good nutrition and exercise.
I just felt I had to say something because often times depression is not taken seriously or seen as an actual illness and people who are really sick and need treatment won't seek help because society has made them feel they're making it all up or that it's something to be ashamed of. Depression and other mental illnesses can be deadly diseases and should be taken as seriously as diabetes or cancer. If left untreated, or improperly treated, a mental illness can result in death whether it be by suicide or risk taking behaviors such hardcore drug abuse.
(I apologize if I sounded preachy.)
I just had something weird happen to me. I've been extremely depressed and anxious lately and haven't really slept in two days. I got so exhausted that I passed out and woke up soon after because my body physically jolted me from a nightmare. I had dreamt that a friend had abandoned me because I guess they were tired of dealing with my problems. Then each time after that when I'd try to go to sleep; my body would jolt itself awake again and I'd be gasping for air. I know that this happened to me because of my anxiety and fear of being abandoned, but knowing why it was happening to me didn't make it any less scary. I've also had dreams in the past where I was actually able to feel like I was having a seizure and could see myself having one in my dream. I don't think this is possible because I've had two seizures before and you completely lose consciousness and I lost memory of the events leading up to and things that happened soon after the seizures. So those dreams really puzzle me because I can feel myself seizing, but I'm not certain I'm actually physically moving when this happens. It's very frightening to say the least.
I'm really glad you didn't act on your anger and give the cunt what she obviously deserves. I'd hate to see you get in any legal trouble over some stupid bitch. To me, it sounds as if this is a pattern for her; going after guys who are already spoken for. Someday she'll cross the wrong woman and will most likely get the shit beaten out of her. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice as to how to make the situation any better. Personally, I'd avoid her like the plague, but that's not an option in your case because you don't want to lose your other friends. But do they not see what a problem she's causing? It'd be one thing if she was only fixated on your guy, but she seems to make this a habit. Hopefully the rest of the group will see her for what she really is and weed her out. Eventually once the relationship is more evolved you'll grow more trusting and comfortable and won't have to worry about things.
I apologize for being so blunt and hostile sounding, but I'm extremely pissed off right now. But the person I'm angry with is a friend so out of respect I've decided to take up the matter one on one.
I'm really glad you didn't act on your anger and give the cunt what she obviously deserves. I'd hate to see you get in any legal trouble over some stupid bitch. To me, it sounds as if this is a pattern for her; going after guys who are already spoken for. Someday she'll cross the wrong woman and will most likely get the shit beaten out of her. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice as to how to make the situation any better. Personally, I'd avoid her like the plague, but that's not an option in your case because you don't want to lose your other friends. But do they not see what a problem she's causing? It'd be one thing if she was only fixated on your guy, but she seems to make this a habit. Hopefully the rest of the group will see her for what she really is and weed her out. Eventually once the relationship is more evolved you'll grow more trusting and comfortable and won't have to worry about things.
I apologize for being so blunt and hostile sounding, but I'm extremely pissed off right now. But the person I'm angry with is a friend so out of respect I've decided to take up the matter one on one.
I'm really glad you didn't act on your anger and give the cunt what she obviously deserves. I'd hate to see you get in any legal trouble over some stupid bitch. To me, it sounds as if this is a pattern for her; going after guys who are already spoken for. Someday she'll cross the wrong woman and will most likely get the shit beaten out of her. Unfortunately, I don't have any advice as to how to make the situation any better. Personally, I'd avoid her like the plague, but that's not an option in your case because you don't want to lose your other friends. But do they not see what a problem she's causing? It'd be one thing if she was only fixated on your guy, but she seems to make this a habit. Hopefully the rest of the group will see her for what she really is and weed her out. Eventually once the relationship is more evolved you'll grow more trusting and comfortable and won't have to worry about things.
I apologize for being so blunt and hostile sounding, but I'm extremely pissed off right now. But the person I'm angry with is a friend so out of respect I've decided to take up the matter one on one.
I understand what your going through all too well and I hate to hear that you're going through a rough time. I'm going through a really rough time myself, but luckily I have a good network of friends, most who I have met on this site. The depression thread on here is a good place to go an let it all out. Unfortunately, a lot of awesome ladies on this site suffer from depression as well, but are all extremely supportive of one another.
I don't know if you're from the US or not, but if you are your family fight qualify for food stamps. I've been out of work since May and never thought I'd have to use government assistance, but it's a nice benefit to have and it's not that hard to apply for. The technical name for the program is SNAP. I don't know if your family would be open to receiving help, but I say if it's out there and you're eligible for it; take it.
Don't worry about the Etsy situation. My store has been pretty successful, but I haven't sold anything since around Christmas time. Don't give up on it. Do some promotional things such as plugging your shop on Twitter, Facebook, or even here in the Swap thread.
Try your best not to let that voice inside of you to stop doing what you enjoy. It's hard as hell, but you've got to fight it because it wants to see you fail. I have bipolar disorder and liken it to a battle between good and evil going on inside my head. Don't let that negative part of you win! Kick it's ass and show it that you're in control and you're not going to let this illness get the best of you. We're here if you need us, so don't hesitate to ask for help. I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to do so already. Stay strong because you're definitely not in this alone.
I have a bit of a positive update. The two friends I thought I lost during my meltdown yesterday just contacted me. They're still hanging in there with me for reasons I don't understand. It's hard to believe that other people want to stick around you when you can't stand being around yourself. I'm truly blessed.
Kat, I also have the same problem with scratching at my scalp and I also pick at my face. It happens when I'm really stressed and don't have anything else to do with my hands. I had a really bad episode of scratching my scalp so bad that it left sores the other day. I did it while I was talking with my mom on the phone and she was berating me for "making the worst choices of anyone ever." Just because I lie in bed all day and don't take care of myself. I couldn't get through to her that I'm severely depressed right now and am not capable of functioning like a "normal" person. The scratching soothed me in a way and kept me from completely losing my temper. For me, these actions are caused by habit, stress, and a need to relieve emotional pain. Ultimately, they end up making me more depressed because my skin looks horrible so it keeps me from going out in public. Hopefully I'll learn healthier coping skills in treatment, but I've been doing these things since I was in the first grade so it will take a lot of work to undo decades of habit.
I had an awful day today, but had a lot of support from friends (most of them fellow CO+K members). However, I also isolated one of my friends in order to "protect" him today which ultimately may have resulted in me losing him. Another new "friend" who was previously unaware of my mental illness is now avoiding me. I'm a little bummed, but I'm ok with it because I'm grateful for the amazing friends I do have.
Heather, I was overweight at one point in my life and I was able to lose 50 pounds by going to Weight Watchers. I don't know if you've tried that route before, but the point system they use really works. You wouldn't even have to go to meetings if you didn't want or have the time to. Points are based on calories and fat grams. You're allotted a certain number of points a day based on your gender, weight, and age. I just know it really worked for me. I loathe exercise, but know I'd feel a lot better if I did it. I have a punching bag in my craft room that I really should put to use, but getting out of bed feels like such a chore these days so I rarely do that.