kiddo
There are some sites that I don't feel comfortable posting on because there mean old nasty women who get their jollies from bashing other peoples opinions. I feel really comfortable posting here, but there are times when I'm anxious or depressed that I feel like maybe I said the wrong thing, but no one here has ever made me feel bad about speaking my mind so I just equate to the state I'm in.
Sometimes it is hard to talk to therapists, I've had several, and if I didn't like them or feel comfortable sharing with them, I'd leave. Same with doctors, you have to find the right one and feel comfortable being open with them. When I was 19, I hated my psychiatrist! We were always butting heads and one day I started yelling at him and my mom had to remove me from the office. About two years ago, I checked myself into the hospital because I was thinking about suicide, and guess who the doctor was! I was horrified because he was the last person I wanted to talk too. I went in to visit with him anyway and he had no recollection of me because it had been 10 years. I think we didn't get along when I was younger b/c of how surly I was. Now, he's one of my favorite people and he helps me out a lot. I actually saw him today when I was getting signed up for intensive outpatient therapy.
I don't know if you've been in therapy before, but it's not as bad as it seems. A lot of times, I enjoyed going provided I liked my therapist. There are a lot of kind and nurturing people in that profession. I don't know how to tell you to get over the initial fear of going though.
I don't know if the bullying actually bothered you deep down. You were able to shrug it off which is good, but do you hold resentment toward them? Maybe it's something that had an affect on you and you never let your emotions/feelings about it out.
Posts by kiddo
Perhaps it's anxiety, maybe social anxiety. I'm very paranoid in social settings and think that everyone is looking at me and thinking crazy thoughts about me when I know deep down that generally people aren't very observant of others while out in public. I'm sure my anxiety is related to poor self esteem issues I've had since I was bullied in 5th grade because I had a really bad perm! It's funny that something that seems so silly to me now has actually traumatized me so much that I hate going out in public. Damn bullies!
Maybe you could find a therapist to talk to if it becomes troubling enough because there could be some underlying issue (like the hell I went through with bullies) that is causing this. If that's the case, once it's identified and you can come to terms with it these feelings will stop or you'll be able to manage them when they come on. Hugs my dear!
During my panic attacks, I take a PRN (as needed medication) called Klonipin. It's a mild sedative, or benzodiapene, which are generally given in very low doses to stop the attacks or I use them to prevent them before going out into a public place not in my comfort zone (social phobia). I've never been successful with or patient enough using natural remedies. The main drawback of such a medication is that they can become very addictive, but luckily that hasn't happened to me and I've been taking it for several years. A few hours after taking one, I often get really drowsy, so that's a drawback as well. Other such medications are Ativan and Lorazapam, which are interestingly given to sharp shooters in order to steady themselves for more accurate shooting.
OK, things are much better now. My friend and I had a long discussion and I have been way too dependent on him and it was taking a toll on him and wasn't healthy for me. I asked why he couldn't have just stuck in there with me since I'd be getting treatment, so I wouldn't be around all day to bother him and I'd be creating a whole new support group so I would no longer be dependent on him. He said he thought it would be better to end the friendship because he didn't think I'd utilize the other supports I could make in treatment because I'd still be dependent on him. So he was leaving because he wanted me to get better. After talking about things, I assured him that things would be different from now on and I wouldn't be contacting him out of need, but rather to joke around and talk normally like we used to. I also let him know that I would want to share good things that happen to me, but I wouldn't be overdoing that. So although it seemed like he didn't care about me anymore, it turns out he cared enough to let me go so I'd get all the help I could possibly get!
I'm glad it worked out, Sug! I knew you couldn't have possibly done anything to hurt her intentionally or otherwise. Sounds like the outside influences are jealous of your friendship.
Where I live, our county has a service that's free, and they take people to medical appointments. You might check with your local health department to see if there's a program like that where you live.
I should've know my happiness wouldn't last. It never does. My friend officially to me that he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. Any hope I had is gone. I give up.
Lakesha, I'm so sorry! That makes me angry that mental health professions would treat you that way. Sounds to me as if they need to change professions! You're not hopeless! No one is! I know it's hard to do things when you're depressed, but maybe search online for a mental health advocacy group in your area. I'm a member of NAMI.org and they've been very helpful toward me. They have a listing of offices nationwide and a listing of e-mails of people you can contact.
Thanks, Kat! I think the reason my parents back away from me is that not only do they not know how to help; they are emotionally inept due to how they were raised. I also think that maybe they think if they'd done something different when I was growing up that I wouldn't be sick. I think they have a lot of guilt and just plain don't understand me.
Indeed!
I just got back from my intake appointment and I start treatment tomorrow! The therapist I saw was able to put me at ease, because I was still feeling pretty upset about losing my friend. I'll be going Monday through Friday for 4 hours a day. I've had a permanent frown on my face for the past 3 days, but now I'm able to smile again!
Gloom Cookie, I understand all too well how upset you must feel. It probably doesn't feel like it right now, but your heart will heal with time. If you need to talk, just let us know.
Lakesha, if you're able you need to see a doctor because you may be dealing with something more than just depression. I have "voices" that tell me bad things about myself, but I can't actually hear them, they're just thoughts. If you can actually hear these voices you may have I psychosis of some kind. You may require anti-psychotic medication that will stop or elevate the voices inside of you. The most important thing is that you seek proper treatment so you receive the right medications and therapy if needed. Maybe that's why your having such a hard time managing your depression, b/c that's not all it is. Please keep us updated. If things get too bad, don't hesitate to go to the emergency room. I've done it before in order to keep myself safe. ((((Hugs))))
Lakesha, if you're able you need to see a doctor because you may be dealing with something more than just depression. I have "voices" that tell me bad things about myself, but I can't actually hear them, they're just thoughts. If you can actually hear these voices you may have I psychosis of some kind. You may require anti-psychotic medication that will stop or elevate the voices inside of you. The most important thing is that you seek proper treatment so you receive the right medications and therapy if needed. Maybe that's why your having such a hard time managing your depression, b/c that's not all it is. Please keep us updated. If things get too bad, don't hesitate to go to the emergency room. I've done it before in order to keep myself safe. ((((Hugs))))
I was pretty upset when my friend's only response to what I was posted was "I read it." I sat and thought about things and even though something inside of me keeps telling me I'm a failure and I'm just not good enough; I'm choosing to not listen for once. I can't control how my friend reacted or didn't react to my attempt to apologize. But I can control how I react to it. So I'm choosing to tell myself that I did my best, it didn't work out, but at least I gave it my all. I'm really proud of myself for doing that and that's all that matters.