kiddo
I've been able to sleep really well lately. I've just been having my regular, off-the-wall, silly dreams. So that's wonderful! I'm glad that you were able to find some relief as well. (((Hugs)))
Posts by kiddo
I hope that she's not there either. You deserve an enjoyable, relaxing time with Andy and your friends. And what you're thinking about saying to her is far nicer than the shit that would come out of my mouth! But when I'm really angry, I tend to talk to fast and I'm hardly understandable so all you can hear is: "fucking cunt, shit, damnit, asshole," so it must appear that I have Turets Syndrome! Nice people do get shat on more, but cunts usually end up with horrible Karma on down the road, although it's never soon enough for me. (God, I sound like a bitch!) I hope you have a wonderful, drama-free evening! (((Hugs)))
It's funny how some people can bring us down and physically drain us, especially when we're depressed and vulnerable. I was so exhausted after coming home from group yesterday that I came home and slept 6 hours straight! I had gotten a good nights rest and had even taken my Adderall, a stimulant, that morning. I sat next to this guy in group who hadn't been there the first day I was there. He was loud, kept fidgeting in his seat, made inappropriate remarks, and was generally disrespectful. I did my best to tolerate him, but I was completely worn out by the time the four hours was over. The same thing has happened to me when I worked around kids with severe ADHD, and we'd just be sitting across a table from each other in a meeting!
I've not been able to craft or draw in over a week, but I have been able to write and play around with a graphic design program on the computer. I'm not very good at it, but I am learning a lot. I also reformatted my new blog to add links on the sidebar to other pages within the blog. I had no idea you could add up to 10 extra pages on blogger! It doesn't take much to excite me these days 
Here is the clicky button I just made, I'm also becoming rather adept with html code, that links to my new blog. I was bored and thought I'd share.
<a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m193/sgregg78/th_thejourneybutton.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a>
<form><textarea rows=”6″ cols=”19″ readonly=”readonly”><div align="center"><a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i104.photobucket.com/albums/m193/sgregg78/th_thejourneybutton.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket" /></a>
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Something that annoys the hell out of me is when someone invades my personal space, physically and emotionally. I live in Tennessee, a Southern state in the US, where people are notoriously friendly and personable, so many people try to become too familiar with strangers. I have horrible anxiety and a lot of times in public my hands will shake. I've had so many strangers comment on it to me, that it makes me even more paranoid than I already am ("Oh, honey, why are you so nervous?" "You should really take some B-12 for your nerves.") Lately, my physical personal space has also been invaded quite a bit. It usually happens in the post office or corner market. I'll be standing in line and someone, who has adequate space behind them, stands close enough to me that I can feel them breathing on me! One time I it startled me so much that I caught myself before I knocked the shit out of some poor unsuspecting man. I'm always super aware of my surroundings because I was held at gunpoint in a robbery when I was 19, so I tend to overreact to things most wouldn't. Plus it's just plain creepy feeling a stranger breathe on you! ICK!
I just learned yesterday in group that possibly the symptom I experience the worst, which is also very hard to control, is negative thinking. I've written a blog post about types of negative thinking and the steps one must take to change and control these thoughts. If you'd like you can read about it <a href="http://kiddosjourney.blogspot.com/2010/02/negative-thinking.html">HERE</a>.
Music helps me a lot with my depression and anxiety. Singing at the top of my lungs while in the shower is one of my favorite therapeutic activities. I'm sure my neighbor doesn't appreciate it. Our walls are extremely thin. But I kinda enjoy pissing her off because not only is she a gossip, she's rude. The first time I met her she told me about the "bipolar girl" living across the street and how horrible she was. I said, "Well you've got one living next door to you now!" I thought it was funny, but she didn't seem to find it very humorous.
OMG! I guess I was wrong to think you could actually be this guy's friend. He's being an absolute asshole! I'm glad you want him to leave you alone now because this is obviously not a nice guy or anyone you should even consider being friends with. He's toying with your emotions. I've had plenty of guys do the same to me, but I usually wasn't strong enough to back away until they ended up hurting me so bad I had to. Good for you! I would just tell him that you don't want to talk to him anymore, and leave it at that. If he begs to know why, say I just want you to leave me alone. I think telling this guy how you feel would only give him some sick kind of satisfaction knowing that he's hurt you. If he keeps on, just calmly say that if he doesn't leave you alone you're going to have to report him for harassment. Try to be as calm and direct as you can because this guy is after some negative attention. Don't let him have the satisfaction! You're showing enormous strength and I'm so proud of you! (((Hugs))))
Try your best not to beat yourself up over it. You've had two big stressors in your life: the move and your husband's new schedule. Those are huge things to have to adjust to. You had a very healthy routine at one point and I have faith in you that you'll be able to do all those things again! Right now, just try to focus on having breakfast and taking your meds. If you're not able to do the morning workout along with that right now, that's ok. Try and build yourself back up gradually to your former routine. Maybe set a small goal for each day and when that goal is completed be proud of yourself for your accomplishment. But the meds are the crucial step at this point to get your brain chemistry back in balance. If that is out of whack then everything else will be too. You've been able to take excellent care of yourself before and I'm certain you'll be able to again. =D
You're not complaining, you're just expressing how you feel. I'm sure I sound like a raving lunatic the way my moods fluctuate, but I'm not too worried about it I have a problem remembering to take my meds as well, but luckily the ones I'm on don't give me any side effects so I can take them anytime of day. I guess the best thing to do is to make it a routine or ritual to have some breakfast and take your meds. I know you've got little ones who may make sticking to a routine difficult (I don't have children, but I know how my 2 year old niece is-UNPREDICTABLE). Or I could be wrong and keeping them on a routine with you will work out swimmingly. (Please understand that my niece is the only child I have to relate to, and she's a wild monkey!) I haven't had a routine in a while so I'm going to have to manage to learn how to get used to one since I have group therapy M-F now, so I don't have any good tips to offer as I just started today. Wouldn't it be lovely to have someone administer your meds to you, with food, when you're supposed to take them? If I ever become insanely wealthy, I shall hire us all a med administerer! LOL But seriously, I hate that you feel shitty and that the meds you're on necessitate that you take them at an exact time with food due to the side effects. I don't know if maybe talking to your doctor about trying other meds that don't cause drowsiness or upset stomach, that way you would have a bigger window of time to take them in so you'd be less like to forget. I really hope you can feel better soon. (((Hugs)))
Kat, thank you for thinking of me today! I know my treatment is going to be rough, but I've been through so much internal hell for so long it will good to be able to let it out and learn ways to deal with the feelings I'm having. I didn't think I'd cry my first day, but I did several times. I shared the two things that hurt me most: how my last employer fired me they way they did and how it feels as if my purpose for living is gone; helping others. It feels like I may never get that back again. I've got a lot of anger to work through because of my termination. And that's a tough one for me to deal with. But the other clients seem to be great (God bless the lone man in the group who has to spend 4 hours a day in a room with a bunch of crying women!) The staff are very caring and nurturing. The nurse even hugged me today after she heard what I'd been going through! I can't wait to go back tomorrow.
Thanks, Kat, for putting your professional skills to work for SlapArt! I'm sorry your day has been shitty. I know how badly you must have wanted for your illness to be something physical instead of mental. I think about how much easier it would be to have an illness that I could "prove" to other people by a blood test or an Xray. It'd make life so much easier b/c people wouldn't fear me quite as much. I haven't heard this lately, but for a long time several people close to me would often ask, "You're not going to do anything stupid are you?" Would you say that to someone with diabetes because your afraid they'll eat too much sugar and die from diabetic shock? Sorry, I'm ranting. I don't seem to have control over my thoughts either. And I can't remember the last time I was "well" because I've been pretty ill and on a downward slope since March 2008. So I wouldn't know if it's tiring.
I had my first group session today, and I'm in a group with a lot of really awesome people. The therapist is wonderful and caring. We laughed and cried. I was disappointed when I had to walk into my house afterwards b/c it's back to my prison cell which needs massive cleaning and I can't find the strength to even begin. It's too overwhelming. I go back tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. I hope you are able to feel better soon, Kat. Love ya!
Suzi, you are very lucky to have such a strong family that loves one another and is very supportive! Your mother is very lucky to have you as a daughter! <3
Annie, you are so right! I've had so many people try to minimize my feelings or make me hide my emotions because it makes them uncomfortable. It makes it hard to reach out for help. It does make you feel that no one cares. I know, deep down, that the people close to me who do this to me quite regularly really do care; but they don't understand my disease and don't know how to help me. I've tried to get them to go to support groups with me, but they got angry and stormed out of my house after I asked. It really hurts that they don't even want to try to learn, but I know in their situation its because they are afraid to know what I'm going through inside b/c they've seen how ugly it can get on the outside.
The way the mental health professionals have accused Lakesha of attention seeking behavior really makes me angry. What's she is seeking is help! Don't they realize that by saying that to someone with a mental illness it makes the chances that they seek help in the future less likely? Who wants to go to a doctor who is going to accuse you of making things up just to get attention? They should be brought before the board of ethics and lose their licenses!
Lakesha, I really hope you are doing well. You are always in my thoughts. Please give us an update on how you're doing if you feel like doing so. It's obvious that many people here care and want you to get the proper help so you can start getting better. Much love!
Suzi, you are very lucky to have such a strong family that loves one another and is very supportive! Your mother is very lucky to have you as a daughter! <3
Annie, you are so right! I've had so many people try to minimize my feelings or make me hide my emotions because it makes them uncomfortable. It makes it hard to reach out for help. It does make you feel that no one cares. I know, deep down, that the people close to me who do this to me quite regularly really do care; but they don't understand my disease and don't know how to help me. I've tried to get them to go to support groups with me, but they got angry and stormed out of my house after I asked. It really hurts that they don't even want to try to learn, but I know in their situation its because they are afraid to know what I'm going through inside b/c they've seen how ugly it can get on the outside.
The way the mental health professionals have accused Lakesha of attention seeking behavior really makes me angry. What's she is seeking is help! Don't they realize that by saying that to someone with a mental illness it makes the chances that they seek help in the future less likely? Who wants to go to a doctor who is going to accuse you of making things up just to get attention? They should be brought before the board of ethics and lose their licenses!
Lakesha, I really hope you are doing well. You are always in my thoughts. Please give us an update on how you're doing if you feel like doing so. It's obvious that many people here care and want you to get the proper help so you can start getting better. Much love!
Suzi, you are very lucky to have such a strong family that loves one another and is very supportive! Your mother is very lucky to have you as a daughter! <3
Annie, you are so right! I've had so many people try to minimize my feelings or make me hide my emotions because it makes them uncomfortable. It makes it hard to reach out for help. It does make you feel that no one cares. I know, deep down, that the people close to me who do this to me quite regularly really do care; but they don't understand my disease and don't know how to help me. I've tried to get them to go to support groups with me, but they got angry and stormed out of my house after I asked. It really hurts that they don't even want to try to learn, but I know in their situation its because they are afraid to know what I'm going through inside b/c they've seen how ugly it can get on the outside.
The way the mental health professionals have accused Lakesha of attention seeking behavior really makes me angry. What's she is seeking is help! Don't they realize that by saying that to someone with a mental illness it makes the chances that they seek help in the future less likely? Who wants to go to a doctor who is going to accuse you of making things up just to get attention? They should be brought before the board of ethics and lose their licenses!
Lakesha, I really hope you are doing well. You are always in my thoughts. Please give us an update on how you're doing if you feel like doing so. It's obvious that many people here care and want you to get the proper help so you can start getting better. Much love!
Suzi, you are very lucky to have such a strong family that loves one another and is very supportive! Your mother is very lucky to have you as a daughter! <3
Annie, you are so right! I've had so many people try to minimize my feelings or make me hide my emotions because it makes them uncomfortable. It makes it hard to reach out for help. It does make you feel that no one cares. I know, deep down, that the people close to me who do this to me quite regularly really do care; but they don't understand my disease and don't know how to help me. I've tried to get them to go to support groups with me, but they got angry and stormed out of my house after I asked. It really hurts that they don't even want to try to learn, but I know in their situation its because they are afraid to know what I'm going through inside b/c they've seen how ugly it can get on the outside.
The way the mental health professionals have accused Lakesha of attention seeking behavior really makes me angry. What's she is seeking is help! Don't they realize that by saying that to someone with a mental illness it makes the chances that they seek help in the future less likely? Who wants to go to a doctor who is going to accuse you of making things up just to get attention? They should be brought before the board of ethics and lose their licenses!
Lakesha, I really hope you are doing well. You are always in my thoughts. Please give us an update on how you're doing if you feel like doing so. It's obvious that many people here care and want you to get the proper help so you can start getting better. Much love!
You're not moaning. You've been doing really well at opening up here. Maybe you could use this as "practice" so you feel more comfortable talking about yourself. Then if you think you need to see a counselor, you'll be better able and not as scared to talk to one. Lots of colleges and universities have counseling services on campus for their students to utilize (but I'm in the US). If you're interested, just check around and see what if any services they offer.
That's an awesome story! I wouldn't have been able to do it. I think your courage is amazing! I hope to be able to do something like that some day! Thanks for sharing that. It's really uplifting. =D