Going to visit family - need advice and to rant

So, like usual, I'm going "home" to Pennsylvania to visit friends and family. My mom sent me a text yesterday asking how I want to get out there. I told her I could either drive alone, someone could fly out here and drive back with me, or I could fly out. After telling her that I don't like to rely on other people to drive me around, she said that bringing my own car out would be too expensive (1100 mile drive each way).

So it looks like I'll be flying out at the end of May, so I'm going to have to rely on other people to drive me where I want to go. This wouldn't be an issue, but most of my friends live 15-40 miles away and would have to drive at least a half an hour in the opposite direction of the destination to pick me up. My mom's made it clear that she does not want to drive me to Pittsburgh to go to museums and such, and that I can't borrow her car.

I'm really frustrated and I've run out of ideas for dealing with not having car access. I have friends that really want to see me, but a lot of them tend to act like they're afraid of driving when I invite them over or ask if they can pick me up. I don't want to be too assertive against them and make them not want to hang out with me, but at the same time I don't want them to make excuses.

I can't trust my little brother to drive because he's a dangerous driver and unreliable. My dad's schedule is usually spontaneous (he's a private pilot and sometimes has to go to work with barely an hour's notice), and when he is available, I encounter the issue of him not really being into the same things as I am.

Sorry for the long post, but I just don't know what to do. I really want to see everyone, but I don't want to have to rely on everyone for rides. =/

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21 replies since 26th April 2013 • Last reply 26th April 2013

Reply #1:

Well, I think you're only option will be to rent a car when you land and rent it out for a week. I know it's an extra expense but there doesn't appear to be any other alternative. But I think it's lame that your friends aren't willing to come see you and expect you to drive to see them when you've already traveled 1100 miles to see them. I also am surprised that your mom isn't willing to let you borrow her car. If you offer to fill it up after each use, she shouldn't have a problem with you using it. That's really just lame of her, it's kind of like she's trying to make your stay there as unwelcoming as possible. I say, bite the bullet, rent a car for a week and do all the visiting you want.

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Reply #2:

I am in the same boat as you each time I go home. Its really frustrating to have to rely on others.

I agree with Pink Weeds - perhaps renting a car is the best option.

Is there any public transport near you? (that answer is probably no, but its worth a shot. I know when I visit my family in Philly, there is a train I can take to get me some places.)

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Reply #3:

Sadly, you have to be 25 to rent a car in Pennsylvania, even if you have a stellar driving record. She uses a gas card to buy gas and it's billed monthly.
Also there isn't any public transportation where my parents live, which is a bummer.

She definitely has been unwelcoming in the past... I never get a spare bedroom, I usually have to sleep in the attic or on the living room couch. I think I am going to talk to my dad soon, he's usually a lot more level headed and helpful.

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Reply #4:

I was gonna say rent too, but darn, that's dumb! Maybe your parents could rent the car in their name? My sister worked @ enterprise for years, & she said people did that a lot. If they don't wanna lie, they could use the rented car, & you could use theirs? Lol..that's the only thing I can come up with.

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Reply #5:

My mom doesn't like to have other people drive her car. Plus I think the rental rates would be more than they'd be willing to pay. It's just one uphill losing battle after another trying to figure out transportation.

One of my friends said he wants to go to all the places I want to go, but hasn't given me a definite answer of yes or no as to whether or not he'd be willing to pick me up. =/ I have another friend who wants to hang out, but she doesn't have her own car and her parents might not let her borrow theirs. This trip already feels like a mess and it's still a month off.

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Reply #6:

Do you have any car club schemes where they are? I don't drive but I know we have that sort of thing in the UK. You join up and its a pay as you go car hire scheme and they may not have the same restrictions with age that a normal car hire scheme does.

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Reply #7:

Hm... not sure. But with how bad people are at driving out there, I imagine it would be hard to find something like that.
We'll see though. I'm hoping that my friends will actually be willing to pick me up to take me places. I've done it for them a ton of times in the past before I moved.

Right now I'm mostly trying to distract myself from the negative by trying to figure out what to pack.

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Reply #8:

I think that as long as your car would be reliable enough for trip then taking your own is likely to be the best option. Yes it would be expensive (also including at least one overnight stop) but any other option would not be cheap and at least you would have the transport you need without having to rely on others. Is there a friend you could travel with who would love the break and be prepared to share the cost?

Simplify the problem!

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Reply #9:

Sadly no =/ I only have a couple friends out here and they have pretty intense work schedules.
My dad will be buying my plane ticket soon, so hopefully he will want to go a couple places with me. Maybe he and I could agree on a museum or something.

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Reply #10:

If they want you to visit, then they need to be willing to accommodate you. Even if they do not like people driving their car or like the places you want to visit, you're their daughter. It's only a visit, not forever. I'd simply tell them if they can't be more accommodating, you can't make the trip.

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Reply #11:

I already booked my ticket, which my dad offered to pay for. I got a text from my best friend's husband saying that I can stay with them for 2 days at their house so we can go all over the place together, which really brings my spirits up. I think things will be getting brighter from here. Typically when my mom sees other people being generous, she'll change her behavior.

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Reply #12:

Sending you good calming peaceful vibes for your trip to PA.

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Reply #13:

Thanks, Tanya! It must be working because I feel better about the trip now. I've decided that I'm just going to talk to my dad about the issues I have when I get home to visit. He always listens.

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Reply #14:

Talk your dad into going down and renting the car in his name, that way you have a car when you get there.... eh? That way surprise! you fixed the ride when you got there... but your mom sounds a bit like my Grandma, like being nice makes her nervous until she sees that it is ok and the world din't end, now she can say yes...lol maybe they will let you use it nce you get there. And use yor brother against them, atleast you aren't him driving it! lol
I bet NO! I know you are going to have an amazing time. I want to see as many museum pictures as possible, I've never been to PA. before.

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