Relationship help??
Veronies
My boyfriend and I have been fighting a little bit lately. He works everyday and I don't. I really hate not having a job. So, he wants alone time. I mean, the only time he's really alone is when Glee is on. Now I fully understand he needs alone time. I'm not dumb or crazy girlfriend or anything. I just have trust issues. MAJOR issues. The day before I left for a trip that would put me 1200 miles away he invited one of his friends to come over on the weekend. A friend that was a girl. A friend he said could stay the night. He swears up and down that nothing was going to happen, but come on. I think I have the right to get really upset over that. So now, I have about zero trust in him. I don't think he gets this. He even said things were going to change, but honestly nothing really has.
Before I moved in we only saw each other two times a week. We had been dating for two and half years. He asked me to move in, so I was really excited. I thought that meant he wanted to see me more. Now, I just feel like he wants it to go back to the way it was before. The alone time he wants is me being out of the house like right after he gets home from work until about the time he goes to bed.
I guess I'm just upset about this because even though I would have the car when I go out, I just don't trust him that much right now and as I said before, he doesn't seem to get this.
I would just like some more opinions because he talked to everyone at work about it. I don't like that because his work friends are jerks.
anna sayang
the girl sleeping over thing is just WRONG. this guy sounds like a jerk, also considering he is surrounded and influenced by other jerks, you can't entirely blame him for thinking certain things are "right". tell him everything you are sharing right now because he won't see anything is wrong until you show him what is wrong. my opinion: you moved in way too early, he knows he has got you now and the effort to show his love has gone out the window. make him try harder to earn your trust and love, and don't be afraid to act the way he acts towards you. it might trigger something.
if this goes on longer than it should, don't waste your time because there will always be another person out there who will do you better. good luck!
He really isn't a jerk. He's actually really nice and sweet. It's just with some things he has his mind set. And he has been living by himself with just his mom since he was like 16 or 17. So, I think he's just use to being by himself for so long, but he needs to snap out of it. I guess, I just can't think of how to do it.
*Witchy Rachie*
Here is honestly the fastest way: Dump him. Either he will come to his senses and turn a new leaf, or... well, it's better that you find out now if he is really a senseless jerk who will never improve. On a few of my relationships, I wish I had listened to that exact same advice. Lucky me--I didn't and now I have one ex who wants me back for the THIRD time but can't even remember my bday, and another ex who is still stalking and harassing me after 5 years and 2 engagements (not counting when he and I were engaged). Both of them were "really very sweet," too.
It will hurt--but in the long run, either way it turns out (he gets his act together or you find out what a mess he really is), it WILL be for the better. <3
Just my $0.02. Hope by bluntness doesn't bother you. 
Ruby
No it wasn't too early to move in. If you felt ready for it then you were ready. Some people meet and marry within 2 years and their relationships last their whole lives! So that's not the issue...
He wants you to not be there when he gets in from work and come back to cuddle him in bed?! :O He asked you to move in therefore it is your home too!! Even if it's 'his' place, you've MOVED in. Where would you go when you're out for those hours that he is home after work? That really is a joke.
Communication is key to any relationship and you should be talking to him about this Veronies. I seriously hope everything works out for you soon. Oh and you're allowed to get a little annoyed if he asks a girl to stay over when you're away! WTF is that all about? Has he asked this girl to stay over when you're there? As a friend just staying over? I bet he hasn't. Stand your ground girl! I'm sure there are loads of people that would love to spend all day everyday with you!
Think about it long and hard because really, the only person that can help you here is yourself.
Nice Ruby W.! relationships are tough period, you gotta really want it, and it sounds like you do. communication and trust are HUGE! without these things there is no team. Behind every good man is a good woman with a lighter...tehe. I encourage you to really weigh the good with the bad and ask yourself if you want to live like this for the rest of your life. you should be treated with respect bottom line.
I agree with absolutely everything that Ruby said.
Go check this out right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8raabzZNqw&feature=related
Listen to this...If this ain't your man, you need to get the F out. Trust me. I thought this kind of love wasn't possible...I almost "settled" with a "nice guy" because I thought I couldn't do better.
If you are a good woman...you deserve a good man. He's out there, and you can find him. Don't put up with this crap.
Well he told me that his work friends said everybody needs space. His mom also said that maybe I could go see my parents once a week. And he said I could be out of the house from 4-8, which he gets home at about a quarter till four and we usually go to bed at like 9 ish. So, that's pretty much all day. I just think it's bullshit that he doesn't want to see me for a whole day at least once a week. Also, I started babysitting for his sister every friday and on that friday he is home alone for about three hours. I think that should be enough, but apparently it's not.
I would never dump him. Sorry, but that isn't gonna happen. I know I'm not in an abusive relationship and I'm not staying with him just because I think he loves me. I know he loves me and I know I love him. We just have some rough patches like every relationship. I just want to work through this and find a happy medium.
I really wish you the best...truly. Please be very sure this is what you want though. I spent 5 years with a guy who made me feel like crap (but was nice to everyone else) and I just thought it was me and that we were having "rough patches" like everyone else.
But I can tell you from experience that this guy isn't as smitten with you as you are with him...obviously. Yeah, every man needs time to himself. But when it gets to the point where he's SCHEDULING it in WEEKLY??? That is suspicious. I'm not saying he's cheating, but maybe he's working on thinking about it.
When my husband and I were dating, he'd walk 3 miles to my house, picking me wild flowers the whole way. I had the hardest time getting him to LEAVE because he always wanted to be with me. Even now, he calls and asks me to come see him at work..."just for a minute" because he misses my face. That's love. And we've been together for 3 years and have never once EVER had a rough patch. Three years without a fight or an argument. Sure we disagree on somethings, but by the end of the conversation (because we actually talk and LISTEN to one another) we work out a way around the problem. Which is usually never more than what's for dinner. ;)
I know that's a rare kind of relationship...but I feel that every one deserves to find a person who suits them so perfectly like that. You really don't have any idea what you're missing.
Please consider your future. People don't "change". They are who they are. You either love them for it, or you leave them to find someone who suits you better. Don't waste years and years of your life because you thought you "loved" someone.
If you really want it to work, you really need to have a talk with him and let him know how this makes you feel. During this conversation, watch him, his body language and his tone will help you to determine if he is getting offended (which usually means they know they're guilty) or if he is genuinely concerned for your feelings. I'm not trying to tell you what to do...I just hope that you find the kind of love that I have...it truly is an amazing experience.
OH, and PS...why the heck is he taking advice from his "work friends".
We had a verrrrry long talk today and we compromised. I honestly do feel like we have a very special connection. Even if it doesn't sound like it because on this thread I'm just pointing out the bad stuff, but there is just so much more good. And I know that he really is a sweet guy. He has never once treated me like crap or hit me or anything like that. He did a lot for me when we weren't living together.
So, even if it does sound like we have a poopy relationship, we don't. I know we don't. I'm not one of those girls who can't see the truth. I respect everyone's opinions, but you don't know all of it.
And I know that he is really the romantic type or very affectionate, but he has his own ways of showing it and I have picked up on them now. So in his own ways he is romantic and affectionate and I know that.
Luna
I have had this same exact realitionship. turned out not only was he cheating on me but swore up and down he wasnt when i had proof. then thought it was okay to contuine to lie to me and we even had a room in our house i was never aloud to go into no matter who was in there.. oh and my fail guy he "did alot for me when we were dating too" and i tought i was "just ranting about the bad things" and we also had "a long converstaion on how he will change" your what maybe 20? i bet he is one of your first long term realtionships too. because my guy was and i thought he loved me because
he was "usally realy sweet to me" and i thought he loved me. he didnt love me tho he lied. your bf is lying to you too. think about this he wants you, his girlfriend the women he supposley LOVES to leave for atleast 4 hours when he's home. and then what its okay for u to sleep with him tho right? girl you are going to get your heart broken RUBY IS RIGHT. you asked for all our advice and im sorry you are going through this but every girl has that terrible " he loves me i know it" realtionship atleast once in their lives. my husband and i have been with eachother everyday for 2 years and he NEVER EVER asked me to leave the house for any giving amount of time so he can have "him" time. if you believe this crap he's telling you then you need to listen to your friends. mine tried to warn me too and i did exactly what you are doing and making excusses trying to convince yourself that he really is perfect and sweet and loves you. i went through all of this and it still kills me that i wasted 4 years of my life with a guy who didnt love me the way i loved him. and you know what? it was the best thing ever to leave him. Now i am maried and my husband is perfect. like a storybook perfect. what your going through isnt nessary and i dont wanna see you hurt like i am. but its all up to you in the end. only you can make the choice. but ask yourself this: Is a guy who dosnt want your near him the type of guy you wanna spend forever with?
best of luck.
i dont think he is cheating on you tho. but i do think he isnt telling you something. i hope things weork out for you you seen really sweet.
show him how much you dont need him, be independent, if he doesnt want to be available for you dont be for him, you can play the same game if thats the case, maybe he just needs a taste of his own medicine! My husband is the only person I can be around all day long! demand relationship respect or it will never happen and when 10 years fly out the door, you will wonder WTF was I thinking! or maybe you will marry this fool and really get to see his ugly! sorry, Ijust cant stand to see or hear about anyone be disrespected!
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