Blah... (Too much info alert!)

Okay... here goes... I don't even know if I should post this kind of thing here... but if this ain't a rant, I don't know what is...

I didn't have periods for very long, they started when I was 11 and stopped when I was 16ish. I didn't have one again until I was 19. At 17 I was sent to a consultant and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and the day she gave me my diagnosis, she also told me I'd probably never have children without 'help'.

There's lots of symptoms, I'm fortunate that I don't get too many... I'm fat, I'm moody, I've been diagnosed with depression (I've got Bipolar tendancies, don't you know, haha) and I'm insulin resistant... of course, I rarely have periods and I think I ovulate maybe 3 or 4 times a year.

So, after ten years of no treatment and virtually no support from my various GPs: I'm now 27, married and my husband and I want a baby. I've been put on Metformin - it treats insulin resistance, which is a massive symptom of PCOS. Treating the Insulin Resistance reduces other symptoms and most importantly boosts fertility. Except... life on Metformin is so miserable Happy

I'm tired all the time, I'm not even allowed half a glass of wine with my dinner, my tummy hurts all day every day, I can't sleep, I have a metallic sorta penny taste in my mouth and I feel like I'm itchy under my skin. I am so down in the dumps. I can't seem to find any inspiration and I'm so distracted that nothing seems to keep my attention...

The thing that makes me so sad is that my friends have started having kids, and when they get pregnant and they freak out like it's something terrible another little bit of me dies, knowing that I'll support another of my friends through her pregnancy. I wish I didn't feel so jealous.

I don't know how to cope anymore Happy

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8 replies since 5th August 2010 • Last reply 5th August 2010

Reply #1:

*big hugs*

Although I don't have PCOS I can really relate to what you're saying. I also suffer with depression and me and my partner have wanted to start a family for about 5 years now but I've only managed to get pregnant once and that ended before it even started. I had a miscarriage about 2 weeks into knowing.

This spell of depression seems to have been triggered when one of my friends got pregnant. We worked together and had a big project in the pipeline and so when she told me it was a big secret. I felt so shit - I felt as if I was a failure because I wasn't pregnant. I also found I was getting so irritable especially when she would roll in late cos of morning sickness and then make excuses. In the end I had to tell someone. I spoke to my line manager. I know I broke a confidence but it was eating me up. I don't even think I felt particularly jealous - it felt more like I was grieving.

I'm on quite a bit of medication at the moment for the depression so its not advisable to get pregnant. What the psychiatrist forgets is that I feel about as sexy as a brick and I'm zonked out most nights from my medication so no real chance of making babies.

I've gone off on one I know but its because I really feel for you.

The constant stomach ache must be awful and feeling itchy, especially when theres nothing you can scratch is horrible too. When my attention is bad I do things like play games on the computer or DS. I just play really simple things like solitaire. I also got really into zentangles when it was bad before. I started a thread on it in the creative bit ages ago but if you can't find it just google the word zentangle. They are kind of doodles but with a bit of a structure. They are very freeing and can help to feel a bit more creative. I also made myself an inspiration board. It was a project on here ages ago and thought I'd give it a go and that helps sometimes too. I also keep a little tiny note pad with plain paper in my bag everywhere I go so if I think of something I can write it down or if I'm feeling shitty I can also write it down or distract myself.

Also it maybe worth seeing if you have any support groups in your area. I've seen adverts in the past in my local GP's surgery and it may help to talk with other women with PCOS and you may find some happy endings to lift you. I work with a client who has PCOS and she just gave birth to a healthy little boy around easter time. She wasn't trying to get pregnant either so it shows that it does happen.

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Reply #2:

*Hugs* i can't say i know how you feel but i understand the desire for children. Have you considered adoption? I'm still a bit young for one myself, but adoption is my first choice and birthing my own is more of an afterthought. It does take quite a bit of child proofing to ready your house for approval but it's well worth the child's safety.

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Reply #3:

Am sending big hugs your way right this second! I'm not that good with what to say, but just want to let you know that we're all thinking of you.
I think Arty KitKat has pretty much nailed it there that people with PCOS have had children so just keep positive, I know it's hard! Really enjoy and make the most out of the time you're having with your husband by yourselves, your body really appreciates the happy positive thoughts.
I'm not sure if I've said the right thing but we're all thinking of you at these hard times. Chin up Happy xx

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Reply #4:

left you a message on your profile page sweetie hope it helps

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Reply #5:

Omigosh I know exactly how you feel, I started my period when I was about 14 and they were fine for the first 6 months or so. After that they became irregular and stopped. I went without a period for 8 months before getting it checked out. I was then also diagnosed with PCOS and was told the same stuff as you. I was put on the pill to regulate my periods, I took myself off them for a while because it wasn't actually "doing" anything, just giving me (what I felt were) sort of unnatural man-made periods because I wouldn't have one unless I took the pill for 3 weeks and then had my period for the 4th.

I think you and some others told me about Metformin helping PCOS. My doctor gave me 2 months worth of tablets but insisted on having another blood test and scan... the results of my blood test were all fine. I had my scan yesturday and the sonographer said that everything was also normal. When I pressed him for more info he just kept saying "talk to your doctor about it!!" Especially since I haven't had a period since last Christmas (so again about 8 months!!). If I'm normal why the hell aren't I having periods!!!!!! ARGH...

I'm lucky, I haven't had any of the symptoms of metformin and I VERY occassionally have a glass of wine with dinner. So long as you don't go mad and don't gulp down your tablet with the wine I don't see the problem or go out and get smashed. But I do see the problem with fertility, I was also told it increases difficulty in pregnancy and increases likelihood in miscarriages (only slightly). The only thing I can suggest is maybe put some savings by and attempt to have some treatments like IVF as well as carry on what you are doing.

My sympathy is with you, I understand what you are going through...

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Reply #6:

oh hon, you need a hug.

have you though about adoption? Like A, thats my option too. Keep seeing doctors, do some research, I hope that you will find relief soon

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Reply #7:

Humph... things aren't too bad today... except for the comedy dizziness!! Four or five hours after taking my tablet, I get so dizzy I can't walk... I seriously hope these side effects go away! x

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Reply #8:

Happy Sunday, I'm destroying myself further by getting distracted looking at baby clothes online, haha Happy

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