Cousin and her boyfriend...

Excuse my rambling in this; it's been eating away at me the last few days and it needs to come out. I figured this would be the place, rather than me lash out any unsuspecting family member.
So, I just got back from a trip to visit with my cousin Jennifer; we're really good friends and have been for a long time. Anyway, turns she has a boyfriend now, called Rannya. She likes him a lot, but he seems a little...well, I don't really like him. He has some interesting views on certain, important values and I get an uneasy feeling whenever I think about him. I mean, he seems alright, just not what I thought Jen would be into. I know that sound awful, and I feel bad for not trusting her judgement, but I'm not sure he was the right choice.
She's really likes this guy and all of her e-mails and conversations in last 4 months have been centered on him. She often doesn't answer question I ask or comment on problems I'm having. I'm getting a little tired of hearing about Rannya and all his "awesomeness". Again, I am glad she found someone she likes, but...what about me??? I've been kindly listening and giving advice and sympathizing this whole time. It's getting to a point where I'm tempted to ignore that section of the e-mail and not comment on it. I really don't care anymore.
And I'm afraid that she'll forget about me!! I don't think she will, but still. I don't want to be left out of anything.
Now, before you think anything, I know all of this is really selfish of me to think and say, and I do feel bad. I can't help it, though!! I just don't think this Rannya situation is a good thing. She would get a boyfriend sooner or later, so it's inveitable, but man! I don't like it one bit. Maybe it's because I don't like him, or because I'm jealous of her actually having a boyfriend, or because I don't want her to forget me. I don't know. I'm glad for her, but I just get a baaaad feeling about everything. I don't think I'll tell her any of this, either. I don't want to hurt her feelings. So anyway, there you go.
Thanks for letting me vent Happy

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10 replies since 29th July 2008 • Last reply 29th July 2008

Reply #1:

thats a bummer. Happy i know how you feel. my older sister just came to visit a couple weeks ago and she brought her bf this time.... just give her some time. or tell her how you feel?

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Reply #2:

aw! i wish i could help you more, but saddly i cant, but have you talked to her about your fears? Maybe not about him, not yet, but allow her to know that you are feeling left out of her life, and that you want to be there for her, and that you also have your own issues? I've been on both sides of this. When i frist got my boyfriend, i became alot like your cousin towards my best friend. And for a while she let it slide, frist boyfriend romance and all, but i didnt relise i was hurting her and only hanging out with him all the time, cause sometimes you really dont relise it. be carefull how you say it though, you dont want them to get on the defense and think that your just jealous and wanting her to be single like you. hope it works out.

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Reply #3:

Perfectly human Kiki! I know how it is to feel lonely! I think Jasmin made a good point just tell her you're feeling a bit left out and hopefully she'll understand and apologize and it's just a phase, first love and all that she'll stop talking about him as much soon.

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Reply #4:

I agree with Jasmin. I know that it sucks, and I'm doubting that anyone here is judging you for being selfish at all, because its not. Its human nature for you to want your cousin and friend to care about you! There is nothing wrong with that!

So I think a quote that I love maybe in order here

"I cannot say whether things will get better if we change. But I can say they MUCH change if they are to get better."

If you expect it to be different, you can't just wait. You have to make it happen. Don't be on the aggresive, like jasmin said, because they might end up feeling like you are attacking them and that you are jealous.

Just tell her that she has been boy-central for quite a while, and you want her to care about the problems that you have, and you want her to help you because you are friends and you care her. Make sure that she knows that you love the fact that she is happy now, but that you have a life with ups and downs and you want her to be there for you when they are on the low end.

I hope it all works out Happy

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Reply #5:

Turns out my cousin had noticed that I was uncomfortable about everything. We talked about her and her boyfriend and she assured me that this guy isn't anything too serious right now and that she values my opinion enough not to get involved if I get a bad vibe from him. How awesome; I didn't realize that I meant so much! Heheh. Anyway, I'm glad I told her how I was feeling. I feel a lot better about the whole situation now.
Thanks for being so understanding! And for the advice. I appreciate it Happy

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Reply #6:

Aaw that's really good then =) just make sure you don't appear to be abusing that power. I mean like, I'm sure you wouldn't be horrible but still be nice about him (as nice as you can). Don't lie, but don't try and turn her against him, or it'll come badly back to you

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Reply #7:

woooo yeeey that's nice Happy

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Reply #8:

yayHappy im happy for you!!!

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Reply #9:

WOOT! Happy

I love it when life works out, its much more fun. Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy

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Reply #10:

wow, what a good friend, that girl sounds like a real gem! : )

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