Awkward rant/relationship advice and/or outside opinion needed?
PinkWeeds
I'll take this one. Be warned, if you're under age, you should just stop right now. I take no responsibilty if you choose to read further at this point.
There are a lot of reasons that could be why your boyfriend has lost interest, that have nothing to do with cheating (although I admit that internet porn came into mind when you said he works from home).
It could be a medical issue. A lot of men have problems in that area and become too embarassed to talk about it or see a doctor. You could always find out the way Charlotte in Sex in the City did, by taping a piece of paper around it while he's asleep and see if it breaks over night. If it is a medical issue, then your real problem is getting him to the doctor to find out what it is.
If it's not medical it could also be mental. As you said, he's admitted to being stressed out at work, and stress could be coupled with depression- both will cause a low labedo. Again, your real challege will be getting him to be checked.
But it could also be a comfort thing. Men often feel like they have to take every opportunity to get sex when they are in a new, unsteady or or even non-existant relationship because they don't know when the next opportunity will be. Often, in the cases of relationships that are long term and most likely, ones where the couple eventually move in together- the man doesn't feel the need to have sex as often because he knows he can get it whenever he wants. This could be your problem, but being as he is turning down sex from you- it's more than likely one of the two above.
Either way, if sex is important for you in a relationship you need to talk to him about it and let him know that you want him to go in for a physical. If he refuses, you can either learn to accept not having sex above twice a month, or move on.
Best of luck to you.
Since he's in his mid 30s, it may just be that his sex drive has been a lot lower because of aging. I would say sit down and have a long honest talk with him to see where he sees the relationship going, and from there you can air any grievances and see what's up with him that he might not be saying.
Krista B.
My ex-husband did this...... There were many other problems, but I am sorry, but if he doesn't think that I am sexy he is gone..... He is gone. It will only make you worse and possibly cheat on him anyway, that guy that really wants you as per new relationships you may just need that self-esteem boost....
Then where would you be?
It hurts. but maybe a "break" and time out of the relationship will help.......
I am so sorry, this stuff hurts so bad... but do you want a guy that is "comfortable" and rarely wants to do it, or a guy that is insecure so he bangs everything...? Relationships suck!!
Georgia
I've been having the exact same problem with my boyfriend. So I know just how much it kills your self esteem. Its really truly soul destroying when the person you love doesn't seem interested in you any more. So far I've tried sitting my boyfriend down & talking about it, it used to end in arguments & then he'd apologize & try it on with me to kind of make up for not showing any interest in the past month. Now when I try talk about it he just promises he'll "make more of an effort" (it shouldn't be an effort, of course, but it's better than shouting at each other). We never seem to go out any more either, we live together so watching a film & stuff doesn't seem to count as a date any more. I know my boyfriend isn't cheating (like your's he is too level headed for it & he honestly wouldn't have the time to carry out a 2nd relationship) & I know it's not medical issues otherwise he'd talk to me about it. Like you I've tried everything; I never thought I'd be turned down wearing lingerie & 6 inch heels or hopping in the shower with him but it's happened & it hurts like hell. After about 8 months of trying everything & thinking he must be cheating or he must not love me & he is only with me because it's easier than breaking up things have finally started to get better. I hit a really low point where I just felt so ugly & it was pretty much all because of his lack of interest in me, I mean the guy hardly even kissed me any more. I just hung around in my pyjamas all day because I didn't see the point in making myself look good if he was just going to make me feel like I looked like crap anyway, I didn't bother trying to cuddle or kiss him because I was sure I'd get rejected. It made me feel like I didn't want to do anything for him just incase he rejected that as well, I didn't cook for him even though I knew he loved my cooking because I didn't want him to make me feel any worse than I already did. Finally he decided to try be nice, got a film in & wanted to sit in cuddle up with some popcorn. It wasn't until I automatically sat on the other sofa with my own bowl of popcorn & waiting for him to start the film that he realised just how distant we'd become. I mean we still talked, we still said we loved each other but we didn't have hardly any physical connection any more. Since then we've talked about it. He said it was that his self esteem had dropped & he just didn't feel sexy anymore. I explained that because of him not even giving me a kiss unless he was going to work & never taking me out it was doing damage to my self esteem. He said his issues were pretty small & it ended up creating huge issues for me. Things go good for about 2 weeks...now it's not as bad as it was but I'm still not seeing much action & I know there must be something going on with him to make things like this. Sometimes I don't even think he realises he's acting more like I'm a flatmate than a girlfriend.
Basically I sat my boyfriend down & talked about it, I didn't accuse him of anything & I didn't let it turn into an argument & things started to get a little better. I think it's something that has to be taken in baby steps & maybe if you tell your boyfriend how he has been making you feel you can sort things out too. I hope things work out & I hope I've helped at least a little.
baby steps suck....lol
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