I'm probably just being silly

I love my family but lately since I moved out last august it just seems like we arent that close anymore. My mum and dad separated when i was little and my Mum basically worked her butt off to get the money to raise us and My Nan helped her raise me and my brother while my dad started a whole new family. Unless I actually call or visit I dont hear anything from her or my dad for ages.

Since my Nan passed away 6 years ago it feels like my family drifted apart over the past few years. I love my Mum to bits and shes always been there even though she even says herself shes not a maternal feeling person and never has been. And my dad whos been in and out of my life several times but now does make more of and effort and I do love him, I barely here from him unless its birthdays or christmas, I didnt even find out my little bro was having a big 18th birthday party until the day before the actual party (i had already spoke to him on the day of his birthday)

It just feels like I have to go out of my way to make the effort to see my family and I work very hard for what I have so im in work most days and sometimes it'd be nice for them to make the effort to come see me.

I got more worked up because sometimes I feel like im closer to my fiancees family, especially his Mum who does alot for all the family and is such a lovely woman shes my second mum and i will be proud to call her my mother in law. we tend to see them more often.

Sorry about the rant I know im probably overreacting and being a bit stupid but i needed the vent.

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4 replies since 20th July 2011 • Last reply 20th July 2011

Reply #1:

My parents never called me when I moved out either. I wasn't told most of the time when family events would be, unless I asked and I was always the last to know of anything. They called my other sisters though. My mum would miss them and give them ring to talk, but never me. Now that I'm back at home, I'm still the last person to be told anything, I still have to ask to find out when family events are and my parents' disinterest in my life couildn't be more obvious.

I've told them that I've noticed this on more than one occassion but it never changed anything. My parents simply don't care enough about what's going on in my life to want to chat with me. But to be honest, they did the same thing with my sister N-- when she moved out. If she didn't make the effort to call every week and talk to them, we'd probably have lost contact with her a long time ago. It was only when she got married and had a baby that they started to take an interest in her life. I guess that's probably what will happen when I decide to get married and have kids.

Anyway, I feel your frusteration. I wish I had some advice but mine would be to talk to your mum and tell her how you feel- but that didn't get me anywhere so I don't know how much help it would be for you.

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Reply #2:

I have some family members that do not express a desire to be involved in my life, yet they still love me and do not feel this is a strange way to express affection. The key is to realize that this is the way they are and they will not change. Everyone has different ways of showing their love. Perhaps your parents are the type that thinks giving gifts is an appropriate and fulfilling way to show they care.

I wouldn't take it personally, just focus on the relationships you have that are based on spending time together and being involved in each others lives. If you really want to spend more time with your biological family I would suggest you continue asking for dates. Otherwise I would suggest you enjoy having other people in your life that are willing to fill this void such as your boyfriends family. Just remember your family probably doesn't even realize how much their avoidance affects you.

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Reply #3:

anyone who is on this site as much as I am could hardly be silly. Happy I know what u mean though. sometimes it feels like I am the only one who bothers to call anyone in my family. But you love them so.......

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Reply #4:

Thank you everyone for the advice, does feel frustrating but I do love them all and my fiancees family all treat me as one of their own so im never without family to turn to whether it be my own when i do hear from them or my fiancees.

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