Is making new friends in the winter supposed to be this hard?

I usually don't have much to rant about, but I recently left my home state of Pennsylvania to live and go to school in South Dakota. All of my best friends are still in PA, and I've not made a new friend since I came to SD 3 weeks ago.

It's the Deep Freeze part of winter here in Vermillion, but people are still showing up to class, sitting next to me, and talking... yet only one person has even started talking to me out of the 100 or so people in my 2 classes.

I feel kinda distraught because I usually meet tons of people very quickly, but so far I've met only the friends my fiance has... and I can't call most of them my friends yet because I don't know all too much about them.

I kinda feel like the people I knew in PA are going to still be better in my heart and that that assumption alone is going to make it harder for me to meet new people to hang out with. I haven't seen any of my friends from PA since late December... and going a month without someone to craft with is pretty difficult to deal with.

I guess I actually kinda need some advice... If it helps, I'm a printmaking (Fine Arts) major and I'm currently taking art history and geography as classes. There's a coffee shop right in the university center, too. Only so far, I've had no one to get a coffee with... lol.

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9 replies since 21st January 2011 • Last reply 21st January 2011

Reply #1:

It sounds lame but join a club Tongue Plus, people might be more in the mood to talk since it's outside of class and away from the stress.

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Reply #2:

Sounds pretty normal for college. From my experience it usually takes about a month for people to start to warm up to others in college. But I wouldn't sit there and wait for someone to talk to me- I'd start talking to them!

It's also possible you are giving off a vibe that you don't want to make friends with others. Seems like that could be the case since you believe no one is as good as the friends you had in PA. People rarely talk to someone who looks sour all the time. Best advice is to get used to smiling big at people.

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Reply #3:

There's a coffee house like that near the college and university where I live. It gets students who put their latest course books on the table.....not too impressed....Lol, actors who are all kiss kiss and lovey, poets all dark and mysterious in corners and those who just want a good coffee. The trick is not to be too in your face or too aloof. Just be yourself. A little mystery can be fun too though ;) I go alone and usually find that I can strike up a conversation with most of the people there. It 'feels' like the right place for me. I bet most students are feeling the same as you. See what things are going on in the campus. There may be something you are interested in and can find like minded people.

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Reply #4:

I've been thinking about joining the art club, but at my old school it was mostly just a bunch of 20-something-year-olds pretending to be artists trying to find girlfriends.

There seem to be some pretty profound artists at USD, which makes me hopeful.

I have almost no skill with starting conversations with people unless they're directly interesting to me. I guess I need to step outside my comfort zone.

There don't seem to be too many wannabe poets and such around the coffee shop on campus.. it's kindof a "get coffee and go" thing.

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Reply #5:

I defiantly sympathise with you.
I seem to be very good at pretending to be confident and I’m good at getting on with people but I find it pretty much impossible to make real friends I have a ridiculous amount of acquaintances but few friends. It’s all quite sad and superficial really.
xx

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Reply #6:

I'm horrible at pretending anything, so what people see is usually what they get.
I was great at making friends in PA, and people seemed kinda drawn to me somehow... as far as finding friends went, I just had to filter out the people who thought I was cool because it was cool to think so from the people who were genuinely good friend material.
Maybe it's just that I'm used to people from a community college and not people from a university.

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Reply #7:

University is so different from college. Local collages usually have local people there who have the same kind of regional experiences. University...well it's a real mix of folk from all backgrounds. It makes for an interesting mix but can make people feel isolated. At the moment you are probably still at the 'working out a routine' stage. You will probably find that you will meet up regularly with the same groups of people within your routine. Sit back for a while and listen. That way you will find like minded people Happy

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Reply #8:

Great advice sheila x

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Reply #9:

when I went to university, I joined clubs, voluenteered at school events. I made friends that way

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