My friend's a bit of a klepto!!!???

I have a friend and I love her half to death (In that friendly kind of way) but she's a klepto. Or at least I think she is beacause every time we go to my room she picks something I really like up out of it's special place and says stuff like "This is cool can I have it?" or "You should give this to someone who would use it more I can drop it off at church if you just it to me." And when I go over to her house I'm like this is cool and I pick it up and she screams and is all like that's delicate and special don't touch. So what I'm trying to say is I'm tired of her trying to take all my cool stuff while she gets all defensive when I even look at her stuff. Can anyone help me get it across to her that I wanna keep all my stuff?

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6 replies since 9th January 2011 • Last reply 9th January 2011

Reply #1:

The next time she picks up one of your belongings scream at her and let her know not to touch your stuff. Maybe then she'll get the hint.

Honestly though- she sounds like a friend I used to have who was seriously bipolar. It’s hard to deal with people like that- especially if they are bipolar and aren't aware of it. I don’t know why she keeps trying to get you to give you your belongings and is so defensive about her own. But I suspect it’s a neurological issue. I suspect she associates having things with being special. If she grew up with older sisters it’s possible she was constantly told not to touch things that weren’t hers and probably got a lot of hand-downs which would make her on edge about her things. There are a lot of possible reasons to explain her behavior. I would suggest every time she asks you for something that is yours you repeat a simple phrase to her like “I’ll keep it in mind that you like that for your next birthday,” or “I really like my belongings and would appreciate it if you wouldn’t touch them,” something polite but firm. I would say the exact same thing every time she does it so she gets the message. And I’d also not touch any of her belongings anymore. She clearly doesn’t want you to.

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Reply #2:

@Pinkweeds I know that you probably didn't mean it that way, but it kind of sounds like you are associating kleptomania (which this doesn't seem to be a case of unless the girl is actually stealing stuff) with bipolar disorder. I have bipolar disorder and know a lot of other people who do as well. None of them have kleptomania. I'm offended by the statement that "It's hard to deal with people like that." That was a very insensitive statement.

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Reply #3:

I'm sorry if I offended you kiddo- I by no means mean to associate kleptomania with bipolar disorder. But I hold to my statement that it can be very difficult to deal with people with bipolar disorder. Especially if they are not taking their medication or are unaware of the fact that they are bipolar. I've known many in my life who have been emotionally and verbally abusive towards those that love them and this does sound like emotional abuse to me.

I don't want you to misunderstand me though. I by no means believe that all people with bipolar disorder are difficult to deal with. My boyfriend of 6 years has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and he does not take medication. He does however seperate his thoughts so he is in control of it. In the 6 years we've dated I've very rarely seen his bipolar disorder show.

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Reply #4:

Wow. This is NOT emotional abuse. Emotional abuse causes those who are abused to go out of their minds and question whether or not they are actually right in the situation. I thought you, Pink Weeds, of all people, would understand that.

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Reply #5:

I do understand what emotional abuse is but it isn't limited to just wondering if you are right. Emotional abuse can be when a person adds unnecessary stress onto another's life, or when they create a fear or panic in another person's life. Emotional abuse is when a person tries to take advantage of a person who they feel is weaker than them emotionally or mentally. I am sticking really hard to this no matter how many people come down on me for it.

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Reply #6:

You did not give any information about the girls personal life other than she doesn't like her things touched. Possibly she feels neglected and objects fill a void created in her life when she was younger. If she didn't have much growing up this would make sense. If she was a klepto I believe you would see this behavior not only at your house but also in stores, school, ect. I think the reason she only asks for your stuff is because it is important to you and therefore makes her feel appreciated. The importance she places on objects would also explain her behavior when you try to repay the "favor".

Maybe try spending more time with her, if she still tries taking your things without asking I would tell her that although I like her, my things belong to me, and I would much rather spend time with her because time is the best gift you can give her.

I don't think this is emotional abuse or that she is a klepto. If anything she sounds more like a hoarder. I don't believe she plans to react this way, so try not to take it personally. If all else fails just start hiding your good stuff when she visits and try to respect her boundaries.

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