lonely

I don't usually post about myself but somehow I feel the need to anyways I suffer from chronic agoraphobia, and depression. I'm 25 years old, live with my fiancee of just over 3 years and I have no friends. I wonder what's wrong with me in a way. I'm bubbly, usually confident when I'm in the right place with the right people. I know I'm different in the fact that I'm opinionated, talk a lot and eh I just can't seem to keep friends.

I've tried I really have, I've joined groups, I've met people online even, I've contacted old friends but still it doesn't work out.

I'm getting at the stage where I just don't want to bother anymore but I know that's the anxiety talking because I do really want to have friends. One or two girlfriends would be great so I can go out a bit more, I think the agoraphobia is because I've been in a self contained relationship with my fiancee for too long and I've been unwell as well so that doesn't help.

I had a benign tumor under my bladder removed and I was sick with it for about five months, so eh I've lost a lot of confidence.

Even though I am seeing a therapist I just wish I can work out why I can't seem to keep friends, I don't push people away, I'm open, honest and friendly. I'm loyal, and I just wish that I had someone I can ring up or head out to when there's the need or just know someone out there cares for me unbiasedly.

ok rant is over ^^

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21 replies since 9th November 2009 • Last reply 9th November 2009

Reply #1:

I really don't know what to say, because what I am thinking to type may seem to harsh, but I will do it ok

Maybe the people are the problem not you, real friend will be there for you, true friends wouldn't drop you because you are sick or whatnot. You can have many friends, or people you know, but will they be there for you when you need it?

I can count my best friends on one hand, they may live in other countries(met them while living abroad) but they are there for me. I have like two really good friends, the rest are people I know, hang out with...but not true friends

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Reply #2:

I agree with michelle.. When I got pregnant and had a baby, most of my "friends" stopped calling because I couldn't go to the bar with them anymore and bringing a baby with me even for coffee was a total drag. It's the people who stick around no matter what are the true friends. Now some of those "friends" are having babys themselves and are trying to contact me.. I pretty much tell them to go f#!@ themselves. And the people who stuck by my side and supported me..well, I know they truly care about me and I hold them very close to my heart.

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Reply #3:

Happy thats right, the friends who only want to be with you because they want things are no fun

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Reply #4:

I agree with Michelle as well honey... you sound a bit like me, having bad luck with friends. I'm not a raver or I don't go out all the time, but my situation has changed from school to Uni and I thought I would make a ton of true friends for life - but infact the friends I've made at Uni are WORSE than my school friends and I can't wait to leave!!

It's just bad luck. I think because we are all probably over-nice that others can see that and use it to their advantage? I might be taking it too far but it is just terrible luck I think

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Reply #5:

the same thing happend to me jessica.. i had a baby and every one quit talkin to me not all at once but in time so i was just like whatever then.. didnt talk to them for years then when they got pregnant they decided to hit me up out of the blue. ill talk to them but i wouldnt go out and kick it with them like i used to..

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Reply #6:

Just hang in there, Woop , the right friends just haven't come along yet. You've got a great long term relationship, you're creative and talented, you've got so many good qualities. Enjoy what you have at the moment.
Most people only ever have one or two good friends in their lifetime. I had a "best friend" for years, we did everything together, got married at the same time, went shopping for things for our respective new houses together, and shared all our secrets....but it came to an end when I became pregnant. I was in hospital for 3 months with pre-eclampsia, and she didn't come once to visit me, and me beind slow to grasp it, kept phoning her with my latest news from the hospital. Then when my daughter was born, a tiny premature baby, she still didn't come. She didn't visit me either when I got home, but she did phone from time to time with excuses. I was really upset and devastated at this coldness from my best friend, but it turned out that she wasn't able to have kids, and she couldn't bear to see me with a baby. I eventually got over it by telling myself it was her problem, not mine, and of course once you have a baby you start to meet other mums, and make new friends, so life goes on. Things never stay the same, there are lots of good times ahead for you

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Reply #7:

nora has good advice

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Reply #8:

WOW its so nice I guess to see how many ladies have gone through the same as me. I lost all my firends when I fell pregante. I was a big partier out and about had a tom of friends never alone then I fell pregante and was single and no one wanted to know me. I only had one friend who tried to keep in contact with me. that was ok about Blair coming along when we went out for dinner.
My mum is now my best friend, she stepped up and really helped me through the tough times. Im now married with 3 children and my hubby is my best friend and my family.
Even only a couple of weeks ago someone who i thought was a dear close old friend got married just down from where I live now and didnt even let me know until days before hand. She was my bridemaid in mine and her now husband was our best man. Hubby and I were very blown away that we werent even consided. Maybe we are just over reacting as they say the cant wait to see us back in Tasmania when we move back but didnt want to spend there special day with us.
People suck and placces like this are wonderful because there is heaps of beautiful women in the world. You may never talk face to face but atleast there is ppl that you cant chat too and make you realise that ppl are nice and not all selfish.

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Reply #9:

well said keryn Happy

I say stop wasting time trying to be friends with people who treat you poorly, so you can make room to invite new people into your life. Woop, You have friends here.. like keryn said.. we may never speak face to face.. were always here to listen Happy
hope you feel better Happy I know how depressing it is to feel like nobody cares.

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Reply #10:

well at least you know that the amazing ladies of CO&K are here

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Reply #11:

thanks everyone I'm really shocked/happy that so many of you took the time to reply,
it doesn't help too the fact that my own mother doesn't even call, like she called six weeks ago but that was for my birthday
and yet she takes the time to call my sister and brother every other week. (I have issues with my mother lol)

Anyways its not even the fact that friends treat me poorly, its the fact they don't stick around after either we've met and chatted a
couple of times or what not. So yeah at the moment I feel its best to have no friends rather than poor friends.

I love online friends anyways ^^ and all you're support helps *nods*

I'm sure it isn't me either, I seem to have great online friendships I just wish I can meet you awesome people closer to home lol

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Reply #12:

i no me too! lol id be nice to have some people to craft with non of my friends or family craft at all! my mom started beading this year tho.. other then that im alone on the subject

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Reply #13:

you know, this may seem hard to you, but you need to stop worriying about this stuff, its just going to make u more upset and depressed. You should focus of the ones who do care for you. I do not speak to my sister at all, I hate my sister because she is rude and concited, havn't spoken to her in years. It doesn't bother me at all. I am not going to surround myself with negitive people

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Reply #14:

I was in the same situation exactly (except for the fiance, I'm still a singleton), I've had bad health for the majority of my life so haven't really been able to party all that much, I had a best friend all through school and college, I helped her through some really hard times, I was bridesmaid at her wedding and went to all her scans when she was pregnant. but when I got a boyfriend she said she'd outgrown me and didn't want to be friens anymore. it broke my heart at the time, but with the help of my other best friend, my boyfriend and my wonderful nana I managed to move on. I joined a writing class and now have nine very good friends there, plus my best female and my best male friend. there are some great people in the world and if you believe that you're one of them, then you will attract likeminded people.

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