Ugh, house cleaning...

So, I have no problem with cleaning up my apartment... except I share it with my fiance and it seems like he does every single thing he can to avoid helping me do dishes, clean the kitchen, organize the bedroom, and tidy up the living room.
I'm getting really tired of it, because he always tries to justify not helping by saying that most of it is my mess... which is BS.

I have Tuesdays and Thursdays free, but he has Mondays, Wednesdays, and most Fridays free save for a few hours of work on campus here and there... except it seems like any time I have free time, I have dishes to wash or a floor to vacuum before I can finally go into my craft room/library to read or sew.

Every time I make an attempt to clean the bedroom by hanging up all the clothes and sorting through the laundry, all of his clothes are strewn about the floor again within a week. Any time I clean the living room, he'll litter the floor with boxes of Magic stuff, old text books, and what-have-you. He's also completely taken over the dining table for computer and Magic stuff, so when we (I mean I) finally do cook, we have to sit on the couch in the living room to eat because his laptop is on the dining table.

He also usually leaves me to take out the garbage and take the recyclables into town.

I'm tired of having to do all the chores to keep the place clean, and it's especially hard when I wake up at 6AM 3 days a week to study my arse off. I don't even get to enjoy as much free time as he does even though he goes to class and works because he comes home and watches Youtube videos when I come home and do dishes so we have clean plates when dinner is ready.

What am I doing so wrong that makes him not want to help me around the house at all? Because I'm sick of being left to do all the dirty work.

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6 replies since 1st February 2013 • Last reply 1st February 2013

Reply #1:

I am in the same boat as you. Its a never ending battle in our house.

Awhile back I tried to just let it go and see if he gets tired of the mess. It didn't work. Sadly, I have just given in him and made a compromise (with myself) between how clean I would like things and what I can do without really wearing myself out.

Sorry, I wish I could more of a help.

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Reply #2:

Yeah, I already tried to leave dishes in the sink for a week to see if he'd finally wash them. 2 days went by and I ended up washing them out of frustration.
He doesn't even do chores when I'm too sick to get out of bed, so if I spend a few days sick, the apartment starts to look like a hellhole. =/

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Reply #3:

Put the dishes on his (side of the) bed, or in front of the television, or where ever you can annoy him. If he puts them away, just put them back untill he washes. (this does not work on all guys, but it's worth the try, no?)

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Reply #4:

Hm... that might be a good idea.

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Reply #5:

It's not what you did wrong, it's what his mother did wrong. I have the same problem with my boyfriend only he was raised by his grandparents, and they are always cleaning up after him. It drives me insane.

But I think trying to punish your boyfriend for his lack of ability to do chores is the wrong way to go about it. It seems to me that men need positive reinforcment when it comes to this sort of thing. I suggest writing him a note in your favorite red lipstick that if he does the dishes by the time you get home you'll do XYZ. If he doesn't do the dishes, that sucks for him. But if he does, let him know how much you appreciate the help and that by him helping you out you all of the sudden have so much more energy for time for him. I think after a week or two of giving him this positive reaction towards him doing household chores, he'll get the hint and start doing them just because he want's to keep it going.

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Reply #6:

I'll have to try that, too. We need to get laundry done today but he hasn't hinted at all of being willing to go to the laundromat.

I tried to tell him kindly the other day that I hate being the only one that cleans... he instantly went on the defensive so nothing got through to him. Today he just woke up and went straight to his laptop so I doubt anything will get done on his part today. I know as soon as I ask him to pick up his mess, he'll go on the defensive or make up something else that he "has" to do for X/Y/Z due at some vague time.

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