Feeling Extremely Unloved.

Hunny (hugs) That SUCKS!!

I'm feeling your pain and sending you some love. I've just recovered from flu and tonsilitis and I was very sick and I know just how much better a little love from your mum can make you feel.

Unfortunately, as you already know, men are babies, and when they get 'MAN FLU' it is a hundred times worse than when a woman gets the same thing. It sounds like your mum is one of those old fashioned mums that believe that men need looking after and women are supposed to do the looking after.

Ignore your little brother, he is a pain in the butt now and will probably continue to be a pain in your butt until you're old and grey. Both my older brother and younger sister are and they are 40 and 32 now. :0)

Just concentrate on getting better and know that someone is thinking of you and sending you hugs and love.

K/xxxx

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3 replies since 2nd March 2011 • Last reply 2nd March 2011

Reply #1:

TBH, having your second choice of hot dinner is well... not really unloved. I work with some kids who get NO hot dinner and there's NO mum looking after them.

I don't get why it's relevant that she won't buy you a $30 hat... the tone of voice kinda sounds like you think that's her job a bit.

Yes, your little brother is being a pain, unfortunately siblings can be total pains. But what I get from this is basically your mum seems completely frazzled as she's looking after 2 unwell kids and is having to make compromises and you don't like that. Plus, she wants to you learn a skill and you don't feel like it (parents do that: IMHO taking no interest would be worse) and she won't buy you the hat you want. Which would be upsetting to you BUT... It sounds like you're the elder, sorry but she's human too, she can't do everything and when someone has to have a little more it maybe IS reasonable to go with the younger kid who is in the midst of the virus not coming out of it. Because maybe the older, sensible kid might just need a bit less help that day, it's not being unloved, it's reality.

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Reply #2:

I guess I am in the same boat of not understanding where you're not being loved?

It seems to me you are wasting a lot of energy being upset over such small unimportant things that you're likely to forget about in a couple of weeks.

It also sounds like you're a bit spoiled. I couldn't even imagine complaining about some of the things you complained about growing up. I had four older sisters and everything I owned was a hand-me-down. There was no choice for dinner- you ate whatever my parents made. My sisters and I hand-washed; dried and put away all the dishes every night after dinner. I never got to participate in any type of sport or team or class growing up- we simply didn't have the money for it. I didn’t even get swim lessons as a child and didn’t learn until the 8th grade when I was taught in public school.

I’m sorry that you’re not feeling loved but it sounds to me like you need to stop thinking only of yourself and start putting things into perspective. No one is doing anything to you. It isn't a personal insult to you that there isn’t any clean silverware or that your mum made hamburgers instead of fries. You're mum wasn't being mean to you when she wanted you to use yarn she purchased for a particular item and you used it on something frivolous instead. It wasn’t cruel of her to refuse to buy you a ridiculously expensive hat to support vanity. When you’re a child in the 90s and all of your clothes are from your sisters who are 10 years older than and are from the 80s then we can talk. We had no room to support vanity in our house. My sisters all had jobs by the time they were 15 and they all purchased their own things. The only reason I didn’t have a job as a teenager was because I cared for my grandmother and then my foster sister and I supplemented my time doing volunteer work. But I did babysit and I paid for my own things and entertainment as well.


I don't think you have a tough life and I don't think you are unloved. I think you have no idea what struggling really is and you have no idea what it is like to live wanting for real necessities.

I'm sorry that you're upset and I will attribute as much of it as I can to your being sick and probably exhausted but I also suspect that a lot of this is a result of being spoiled and having a false sense of entitlement. Your mum does not owe you anything more than a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food in your belly. When you consider that thousands of children worldwide don’t even have that you’re problems are ridiculous. And I can't feel bad for them.

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Reply #3:

Upon reflection, I have considered that the possibility why you feel this way about your mother, is possibly because you are somewhere between the ages of 15-17 years of age and your mother realizes she has a very short amount of time to teach you to be an adult. She's trying to teach you to take responsibility for yourself and to do things for yourself.

While your brother is younger and she is able to be "mommy" still to him for a little longer- it feels unfair but she is really doing you a favor.

Your mother loves you; she wants to teach you how to take care of yourself before you leave the nest. It does require some detachment from you but that does not stop her from loving you.

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