My dad's midlife crisis

My dad's driving me crazy
I'm 17, and he's the one acting like a teenager.

He had an affair and divorced my mom, and he's trying to get me to "bond" with the very same woman (now his legitamte girlfriend). He goes out partying on a regular basis, like right now. He won't be home until tomorrow morning. He lives in his mother's basement (unfortunately, this means half the time I live in his mom's basement) and keeps it a mess, it's always a pigsty when I get here, and then I do dishes and clean it up. He complains about money but only works two or three days a week. And he's told me he's never been happier in his life, but when I get frustrated with him and tell him how I feel he just asks for some sympathy and tells me I'm being insensitive.

Is this a midlife crisis of sorts? Or is my dad just going crazy? o.O

and how should I deal with my dad being so ridiculous? I asked him if I could just live with my mom (it was my decision in the first place and I decided I would try living with my dad half time to be fair) and he seemed very hurt, justifiably, but made it clear that I wasn't to do so. How do I make it through my senior year of high school without this affecting me too much?

Thanks, guys

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10 replies since 14th December 2009 • Last reply 14th December 2009

Reply #1:

no it sounds like a midlife crisis.

and you are 17, maybe you should just tell him you want to see him on the weekends and not in your grands basement. You should tell him that you won;t be able to work/study well in his apartment, and even if he gets upset, you need to do whats good for you

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Reply #2:

I agree.

Honestly, though, arent going crazy and midlife crises basically the same thing? ;)

Good luck; my mom went through her menopause when I was a little younger than you, so that was fun. As for my dad... well, he never grew up; he still says that he found an age that he liked (17) and stuck with it. xD

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Reply #3:

Well, it is probably a midlife crisis. But it is his...not yours. This is your senior year...go stay with your Mom. When he grows up again...maybe then you can explain life to him. Do not let him take your joy..if he thinks he deserves to be happy...so do you. Live your life and prepare for your future. He shouldn't even be discussing his financial issues with you or expecting you to bond with the "other" woman. At least not yet...give you time. Go enjoy your high school year..

This from a 50 year old woman who did take on too many of her on parents problems.

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Reply #4:

yeah, its your last year, and you have your own problems. You got exams, and finding a college, prom...you are busy too. Do what u think is the best

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Reply #5:

I went thru EXACTLY the same thing with my parents. My advice would be to ask your dad to have a sit down with just you so that you may air your grievences. Any parent would want to know that they were effecting their child like this. The only important thing to remember is that you love your dad and he loves you, so there shouldn't be anything you cant work out. You just have to own your emotions(this means dont blame or judge your dad, but DO tell him how all these events effect you) Sr year is hard enough without having to take on adult problems that arent your own. JUST BREATHE and dont allow yourself to be put into awkward positions just because you are trying to be supportive. You can love your dad just as much WITHOUT living with him. As for "warming up" to the new girlfriend...DONT force a relationship with her and dont fake one either, i'm not saying to be rude but, i am saying that it is totally ok for you to say "No, im not ready to try to build a relationship with this woman" Just be as adult about the whole thing as you can and try to not judge. Hope that helps. I have great ears if you need to bend them...LOL

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Reply #6:

May has some great advice

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Reply #7:

I've been thru all sorts of crap and its easier in hindsite to see the answers. I wanted to be a psychologist at one time so I read lots of books about interpersonal relationships, raising kids, addictions, divorce...I have a welth of knowledge for all that stuff. I love to help people, Love is my purpose!

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Reply #8:

May has great advice, the divorce of parents is hard, I know, my parents divorced when I was 8. The great thing with your situation is that your dad actually wants to spend some time with you, when he says that he doesn't want you to not live with him half the time. However, shuffling between parents half the time must be a bit of an upheval. Also, you shouldn't be forced into something you don't want to do, try talking to him, it sounds like he is going through a mid-life crisis, but he will come out of it the other side and realise his mistakes. As for a relationship with your dad's new girlfriend, like May said don't try and force anything. My dad met someone new within about 3 months of my mum kicking my dad out and he married her as soon as the divorce came through (about 7 months later) he tried to get me and my sister to call her mum and stuff too. It was awful, for years me and my sister hated her, she's only just started to come round, but me and my sister are cautious of her. You might form a relationship with her in time, you might not... just remember it is ok to not like your dad's new girlfriend, it's not going to stop him from loving you.

Sorry things are a bit all over the place... just bare in mind (it might help) that there are others that have been through what you have so you are NEVER EVER alone, you always have us CO+K people to talk to whatever happens xxx

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Reply #9:

hello alicia, i think men definitly go through a mid life crisis the same as a woman goes through menopause, when i was 17 in the 1970s my dad went through a similar thing although he didnt divorce my mum , he just thought he was 17 again parties , started wearing shirts open to show his chest (that was a 70s fashion thing ha) i remember him doing disco dancing (well his version of it ) and i was cringing in a corner with embarrassment. and be thankful these days you dont have this fashion he started wearing a big gold long medallion in the open neck of his shirt (another 70s thing) medallion man syndrome ,this was a man who thought it was awful that i had my ears peirced with stud earrings no less !!! joking aside we look back on it now with laughter and affection, but i do feel for you as you are in the middle of loyalties, all I can say is he will see the light soon and hopefully go back to being your normal dad again . we all go through phases in life this is one of your dads phases. I wish you joy in the future,

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Reply #10:

omg that so sad. Yes, he has the same life style as a high school drop out.

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