What should i do?

pfft leave the dumbass and come live with me in texas we can have craft nights, magrittas, brownies and watch my two little girls come up with the weirdest things ever I can keep you occupied in all the departments except for *koff* extra coziness. lol

Wow, sounds complicated. First of all let me say what I was feeling before I read everyone else's comments after you explained what is going on.
About the racism...THAT IS HARD...my ex was like that...he was also VERY self concious, everything bothered him. I could not stand the racism...often times I had to just try to let it slide..that wasn't easy at all.
Next, about your emotionally abused childhood, that won't go away, unless you decide to let it go away. I know you are thinking it can never go away. But...in life you have choices...you can either dwell on the past and constantly think about how much they never thought you were good enough...or...you can look in the mirror every day and say I'M GOOD ENOUGH TODAY....and BELIEVE IT. I know it's not something that would be easy, but I just thought I would mention life always brings options, sometimes not the best options, but they exist for the most part. It sucks that you had to deal with that in your childhood...and chances are you will always know it was there in the back of your mind, but I know you are an amazing person and you can make it through it all. You just have to believe you are amazing! It's nice that you go out of your way to give your boyfriend love, but don't go out of your way for someone who is not willing to go out of their way for you. Don't give them more than they deserve...they have to show you that they deserve it and you have to show them. If they aren't returning it, they don't deserve it. It is possible he may be using the fact that his parents weren't great to him as an excuse, but if he loves you, he needs to see you and see your needs before blaming his parents. I know it's important to have someone in your life, but I think you need to have people who you trust, who love you for who you are, and who see you.

I see that you are trying therapy, I'm very proud of you for trying...and I'm sure it is changing your life. Maybe you need to make a list of everything that needs to be done every day, even the simple stuff like dishes and laundry to help you remember, it will give your mind less worry. Put it on the fridge and check it during meals or before bed. If he's telling you that you forgot to do something and making you feel unworthy, that's not your fault, that is his fault, he should not be saying those things to you, especially if you have talked to him about your childhood and told him how much it bothers you. He is only replaying issues. You are better than having to listen to him tell you that you are missing stuff. Instead he should kindly remind you.

It sounds like you both have a lot going on in your lives...and it sounds like both of you are blaming your past and saying you need help rather than looking at the real issues. The real issues are what is happening now. If he can't respect you for trying to get help and for trying your best to love him and be there for him, then he's not worth it.

I don't think you are a whiner at all...you need someone to talk to...and if you need to talk to me...I'm around...send me a message I'll give you my AIM, Yahoo, MSN whatever you need. I'm sure we are all here to listen to you and would rather listen to you than know you are miserable.

Do what is best for you, not what is best for him.

thus why kt is one of my bestie friends that i talk to everyday me luv my happy rock!

mmkay

the racism i know what you mean my ex was a total racist and i still put up with him

i know nobody is going to consider my advice cuz im 13 but...

DUMP THE DUMBASS

I think you should take a break from him if it's possible. I did that with my fella when it all became too much for me. I lasted a week and realised I loved him too much.

While my problem wasn't the same as yours(I thought we were getting too serious too fast), I think your situation still warrants you to take a moment to stand back from it all and think, "am I better off without him?"

As for the racism side to him, well I don't know if people like that can change, can they? Maybe his opinion was instilled from a parent, but unless he lives somewhere else where there are other races, I doubt it will change.

If you are having problems I think maybe he is using his friends coming over against you, even though you offered him some "fun" ;) Sex can be used by both sides remember.