Morals and Beliefs?

I have this relation (father's cousin's daughter) who says she is a very religious christian, and believes that you should not have sex before marriage. Her morals and beliefs are very strong on this. I don't mind this, nor when she lectured me on having sex before marriage, but what really p****d me off is when she went against said morals and beliefs, had sex 3 months (if that) into her relationship and now may be pregnant (she's now a 2yearish relationship with the guy she first slept with). I don't understand how she can go against her religion which she was so dedicated to, and still tell people that you should be married before having sex.

[To add extra content to this: she has been in relationships previously before this guy which were over a year and she did not have sex with them, which confuses me. Part of me thinks she was forced into it given her dating history.]

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7 replies since 5th August 2011 • Last reply 5th August 2011

Reply #1:

I knew someone who was kindof like that and man, it was annoying. She didn't exactly tell me it was wrong for me to have sex before marriage, but she lied to a lot of people about being a virgin, then got mad when everyone found out she wasn't. Her fiance honestly couldn't care less but after that all happened, she started to be more annoying than usual.

People are hypocrites. Your dad's cousin's daughter sounds like the "Do as I say, not as I do" kind of person. How old is she?

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Reply #2:

People's beliefs tend to change as they get older. I personally had made the choice to not have sex before marriage when I was 14 but after being in a relationship with my current boyfriend for several years I finally decided I was ready to have sex and did.

I often revert to these two quotes when it comes to human nature- I think they sum it up pretty well.


"Everybody falls sometimes. Christ fell three times and he was Christ." -Fatso

"None of us know what we're capable of until we're forced to discover it." -War and Peace


That being said, if she ever says anything about not believing in sex before marriage again tell her that it's her actions that God will judge her by not her words.

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Reply #3:

Shes 27 i believe.

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Reply #4:

I feel a lot of Christians today just follow the trends of Christianity..Not having an actual relationship with Christ, which leads to true beliefs. I have a saying that those type of "Christians" are just looking for fire insurance, not true life change.

I myself used to be one, when I was younger I had committed to waiting until marriage. But something terrible happened to me, and that choice was taken from me, and shook my beliefs to the core. That was 7 years ago, and the following years I gave up all of my beliefs I had held.

2 years ago that changed again. I now have a growing relationship with Christ, leading to true change. And I believe one shouldn't have sex before marriage, and though I sadly didn't, I hope other will stick to it.

Basically it could be a number of things. For me it was terrible circumstances. For others it could be they never really felt convicted on it, no matter how much they said so, there for it was easy to fall away from the belief and it could be like a lot of others and just hypocritical.

On A side note my sister is 19 and has never even held a guys hand. Her best friend is 19 also, and has had a boyfriend for a year now and has only held hands, and been kissed on the cheek. And my best friend who is 22, who committed to no sex before marriage at the age of 16 and has slept next to her fiance, but has held to to no sex.


Anyway now that I babbled a ton I'll leave it at that for now Happy

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Reply #5:

I was raised to never have sex before marriage, and belive me it was ingrained into me before I was 10 years old.I did not have sex, smoke or drink or anay thing else.I got married at 16.STupid and that choice ruined a large part of my life.Some times I wonder what it would have been like if I had had sex beforer marriage.I know the man I married would not have married me.So my life would have to have been much better.I started smoking at 21 and never really drank till I was 40, then only did it off n on for a few years and didnt like it.I left my husband after 24 years and lived alone till I moved in with my youngest daughter 3 years ago.She is also seperated from her husband.I like it , mostly its peaceful.No one bothers me..smile.No beatings , no yelling, no cussing which i hate.Just her the kids ,dogs and me.I feel more at peace than i have for years, Idid not like living alone, but I do miss it some times..

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Reply #6:

S**t PJ that sounds awful!! You obviously made the right choice by moving out.

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Reply #7:

If I were you, I would honestly be tempted to send her the most flowery, gushing, expensive, saccharine congratulatory card I could find, preferably religious. Not a very nice temptation, but a temptation none the less. May it be hoped she learned her lesson on her own.

On another note, I'm not personally testy about people hurting themselves with hypocrisy. To me, that's just poetic justice. But if she had issued me that self-righteous lecture, she wouldn't have known what hit her. I become downright unpleasant when someone tries to boss me, especially about something that's meaningless to me.

Here's a phrase I highly recommend: "Not on my time."

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