Do I Love Him?

Heyy everyone, this is my first topic here so sorry if it's rubbish or if it's meant to be somewhere else >.<

There's this guy who absolutely adored me, but I didn't really like him in that way. For a while he's been flirting with me, which although was slightly annoying was also nice, to have someone like you.
We're pretty good friends, but I found out a couple days ago he has a girlfriend. I guess I was a bit shocked, I thought he loved me. And now I don't know if I'm jelous of his girlfriend, or if there's another reason that I'm so annoyed at why he has a girlfriend.

Any ideas? Help? I don't know, it really hurts knowing he's with someone else.
Thanks for reading, and again sorry if it's wrong at all
xo

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10 replies since 9th September 2008 • Last reply 9th September 2008

Reply #1:

it could be that you feel she is stealing something from you - ie, his affection, which is why it hurts. It's a difficult question, and you are going to have to probe your own feelings about exactly where the jealousy is coming from. Is it just because he is paying attention to someone else now? If so, then forget about it, he probably realised you didn't feel the same and moved on. Bear in mind that if you ARE more interested in him than you thought you were, and its taken this other girl to make you realise that, is it really fair to tell him how you feel and put his current relationship at risk?

I know its hard but you have to accept this from his point of view - his flirting annoyed you, and it got him nowhere - He probably cut his losses for the sake of your friendship, and went for someone else. I've seen plenty of girls turn men down, then get annoyed when they go for someone else, then they go out of their way to mess up the relationship even though they were never really interested. Kind of a "she stole my toy, even though it was my least favourite toy and I left it outside to rot, it was still mine" kinda way. Don't turn into one of them!!

I'd also wait and see how this relationship he has pans out - i'm never gonna know if he's doing it to make you jealous, or if he really likes this other girl, or if she is even interested in him. Just watch and give it time, give yourself time to figure out how you feel too Happy

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Reply #2:

it could be that your hurt over what could have been, not really because of what you could have had with him specifically (sp?), just the idea..I think love can only happen when you're actually properly together...it's more lust when you're watching from a far that's just my opinion though. No one knows what love is but you know when you've got it.

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Reply #3:

You don't fall in love with someone suddenly like that. And if you ever have to ask the question "Am I in love?", you know you're not. Sorry, but it's true

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Reply #4:

Hello Kelly

you're being ridiculous.

love a bitter, old, twisted roma xxx

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Reply #5:

I don't think you're in love with him. When someone likes us, even if we don't like them back, it kind of feels good to know that someone thinks we're amazing and wants to be with us. Everyone just wants to be loved, and it feels good to have that one person who wants nothing more than to be with YOU. So when he found someone else, it's almost like a rejection. 6 months ago he thought you were the only one for him, and now all of a sudden, it's this chick. That can feel kind of depressing.

When you're truly in love, you don't have to ask yourself if you're in love. This is probably a little crush combined with wishful thinking and jealousy.

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Reply #6:

erm the thing about questioning the love, I don't agree with that because sometimes everyone has doubts/anxieties (or is being neurotic like meeeee)...but basically a crush is not love.

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Reply #7:

I'm agreeing with everyone else. If your questioning it, its not love.

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Reply #8:

I'm neurotic, and sometimes I worry about mined and Tim's relationship because I naturally worry ALL the time, but it has never crossed my mind that I don't love him, it's a ridiculous concept.

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Reply #9:

you know, you need to relax. I used to worry all the time too about relationships, then I just I just gave up. And three days after I gave up on relationships I met my partner Chad and we have been in love ever since.

Love is consuming, when you find it, you know.

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Reply #10:

Well I don't think you love him, but of course, I couldn't know unless I was you. But when you are in love, you know it, there is no question about it.

I think you just feel jealous because you thought someone really liked you, and no matter if you like them or not, its still flattering to get that attention and affection. Its nice to be liked, even if it gets annoying, that attention is just an ego-boost. And now that he likes someone else, you don't have that constant feeling of being liked, and its sad. Of course you feel horrible that you don't have that back up.

Its not only that, but it could be that if you ever felt alone, or like you needed someone to make you feel better, he was always there. He was a security blanket, and now that he is gone, you don't have anyone you can run to anylonger, and its scary being alone. Even if you arn't in pain now, you know that you might be, and without that knowledge that someone is there, you won't have anyone to lean on in a time of crisis, and its terrifying.


Again, I cann't really know unless I was actually you, but there is a possiblity.

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