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if you have ever ordered pizza...read this!
Having taken pizza orders for delivery for many seasons, I think there are a few things that people should know before they call to order a pizza for delivery.
1. YES WE MAKE A CHEESE PIZZA! No pizza joint in the world would refuse that request. No, you don't have to be embarrassed because you're ordering what a typical 5-year old likes to eat. No, you don't have to say "Do you make a pizza without any toppings? I mean, like, uh, just with cheese-only... and sauce?" Every pizza has cheese on it, unless you're a freakin' vegan, and no one is staying in business by offering dough-and-sauce-only treats. So, yes, no matter what pizza place you call WE MAKE A CHEESE PIZZA. Even if the menu says "The Classic" or "Basic" or whatever, if you say cheese-pizza we know what it is.
2. KNOW YOUR ADDRESS! Don't giggle, you overpaid salaried- MBA reading this during your lunch-hour. YOU are the IDIOT that calls and says "We just moved. It's by the store on the corner." Really? Thank goodness there is only one store on a corner in all of Washington State. For a moment, I thought I might actually have to look on a map to see where you live or verify the northeastern part of this town or the west side of the next city. Oh, and when I politely mention that I need an exact address, don't huff and act like I'M the one making things difficult. Find a piece of mail. Look on your lease or mortgage papers. Go outside. You DO have an address, contrary to the nameless customer who insisted "they" took his address away (but he's got other problems).
3. NO, I WILL NOT BE THE PERSON WHO DELIVERS YOUR PIZZA. Yes, I know. I'm a girl. You're a boy, maybe even cute. I have a pleasant phone voice, which is why I was hired for this job. I don't care how wild the party is. I don't care that the parental units have left for the weekend. I don't care that you will tip me $20 just to show up. I'm being nice to you because it's my job, not because I'm trying to get a boy-friend. Also, although I'm not in this boat, just beware that not everyone who sounds like a pretty model is. Ever see the movie "Spun" ?
4. WE WON'T ATTEMPT TO DEFY THE LAWS OF THE PHYSICAL WORLD FOR YOU. Grow up, miss "I want it extra-well done - but not burnt!" Really? What the fuck do you mean? Extra-well done by definition IS burned. Would you like it simply well-done with an extra paranoid note to the kitchen not to burn it? No? You specifically want it to be EXTRA well-done and NOT BURNT! The other annoying request is for "one" side of the pizza to be well done, and the other "lightly-baked." Um, sir, you do understand what a pizza is, right? That the whole pie will go in the oven and both sides of the pie will be cooked the same amount? We haven't entered into the Star Trek technology of a half-burned, half-soggy pie yet, but we will certainly send you some coupons when we do. Shall I put down "golden brown" for now?
if you have ever ordered pizza...read this!
Having taken pizza orders for delivery for many seasons, I think there are a few things that people should know before they call to order a pizza for delivery.
1. YES WE MAKE A CHEESE PIZZA! No pizza joint in the world would refuse that request. No, you don't have to be embarrassed because you're ordering what a typical 5-year old likes to eat. No, you don't have to say "Do you make a pizza without any toppings? I mean, like, uh, just with cheese-only... and sauce?" Every pizza has cheese on it, unless you're a freakin' vegan, and no one is staying in business by offering dough-and-sauce-only treats. So, yes, no matter what pizza place you call WE MAKE A CHEESE PIZZA. Even if the menu says "The Classic" or "Basic" or whatever, if you say cheese-pizza we know what it is.
2. KNOW YOUR ADDRESS! Don't giggle, you overpaid salaried- MBA reading this during your lunch-hour. YOU are the IDIOT that calls and says "We just moved. It's by the store on the corner." Really? Thank goodness there is only one store on a corner in all of Washington State. For a moment, I thought I might actually have to look on a map to see where you live or verify the northeastern part of this town or the west side of the next city. Oh, and when I politely mention that I need an exact address, don't huff and act like I'M the one making things difficult. Find a piece of mail. Look on your lease or mortgage papers. Go outside. You DO have an address, contrary to the nameless customer who insisted "they" took his address away (but he's got other problems).
3. NO, I WILL NOT BE THE PERSON WHO DELIVERS YOUR PIZZA. Yes, I know. I'm a girl. You're a boy, maybe even cute. I have a pleasant phone voice, which is why I was hired for this job. I don't care how wild the party is. I don't care that the parental units have left for the weekend. I don't care that you will tip me $20 just to show up. I'm being nice to you because it's my job, not because I'm trying to get a boy-friend. Also, although I'm not in this boat, just beware that not everyone who sounds like a pretty model is. Ever see the movie "Spun" ?
4. WE WON'T ATTEMPT TO DEFY THE LAWS OF THE PHYSICAL WORLD FOR YOU. Grow up, miss "I want it extra-well done - but not burnt!" Really? What the fuck do you mean? Extra-well done by definition IS burned. Would you like it simply well-done with an extra paranoid note to the kitchen not to burn it? No? You specifically want it to be EXTRA well-done and NOT BURNT! The other annoying request is for "one" side of the pizza to be well done, and the other "lightly-baked." Um, sir, you do understand what a pizza is, right? That the whole pie will go in the oven and both sides of the pie will be cooked the same amount? We haven't entered into the Star Trek technology of a half-burned, half-soggy pie yet, but we will certainly send you some coupons when we do. Shall I put down "golden brown" for now?
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