The Cake Was Not A Lie!

Preheat the oven to gas mark 3. First weigh the eggs in their shells and note down the weight. Use this weight as a guide to measure out the same weight of butter, sugar and flour. Eg. The eggs weighed 227g so I measured out 227g butter, 227g sugar etc.
Cream the sugar and the butter together until its soft and fluffy. Then crack the egss one by one and beat it into the mix. You might notice as you add more egg the mix starts to curdle. When this happens add a tablespoon of the flour and this should make it smooth again. At this point add half a teaspoon of vanilla essence. Fold in the flour untill it is smooth and droops off a spoon. Next add 50g of cocoa powder ( I like to use Green and Blacks) and a splash of milk. Fold that in and check the consistency again. If the mix sticks to the spoon you need to add more milk. Try not to overbeat the mix, you want the cake light and fluffy and not too dense.
Spread the mix between two circular greased cake tins. (I line mine with tin foil and rub butter into it before adding the mix. makes it easy to lift the cake out and just peels off when you empty it onto a cooling rack. Put it on the middle shelf of the oven and let it bake for about 25 -30 mins (or until it starts to smell good cos my oven isn't brilliant and usually takes longer but i wouldn't recommend opening it before then cos your cake might sink). You will know the cake is ready if you tap your fingers off the top and it feels firm and bouncy. Drop or tap the cake tin onto the worktop. This will pop the bubbles on the top and allow steam to escape from the cake. Let it cool a bit and then upend it onto a cooling rack and allow to cool completely.
For Decoration. Put most of a large tub of double cream in a bowl (but make sure to leave a bit of cream aside). Add a tablespoon of cocoa powder and same again of icing sugar to the cream and a couple of drops of vanilla essence. Beat this into the cream till it starts to thicken up and comes up in soft white peaks ( dont go too mad or it will be too hard and you'll just get butter, you need it just a bit sticky) Use a rolling pin to crush up maybe 5 flake bars and empty them into a bowl or on a flat plate. Beat the rest of the cream and set everything aside in the fridge to keep cool.
For the portals, cut two oval shapes from tin foil ( just fold the foil in half and cut out the ovals so they are identical). Paint orange and blue rims on the edges and let them dry. Once they are dry connect four blue (although I had to substitute with green and purple cos I didn't have enough blue ones) glow bracelets into a hoop and tape them on the pieces of tin foil. Do the same for the orange portal with red orange or yellow glow bracelets.
So hopefully by now your cake has cooled down. Now for the messy bit. Take just under half of your chocolate cream and use it to sandwich the two layers of cake together. Put a layer or crushed flake on a seperate flat plate. Use a spatula to totally coat the sides in a thin layer of the chocolate cream then lift the cake with your fingertips and roll the sides like a wheel in the flake until the sides are evenly coated with flake pieces. Put the cake on its base again and now spatula on some cream for the top and just tip the remaining flake on the cake. Maybe press the flake into the cream a bit to make sure its properly stuck. Use a syringe or a spoon to make eight blobs of plain whipped cream on the top and add a cherry to each blob.
Cut the cake just a little over the halfway mark. Lay the smaller half on the flat table top portal ( your cherries may fall off here, mine did, took some convincing to get them to stay put. On the other half of the cake lean the portal onto the cake (or stick it to a wall or if you have paaper plates stick it to half a paper plate and the other half sticking out the other portal. Add a single white candle. Whack on this tune http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI Congratulations you just made your own portal cake.